Shiva: Difference between revisions
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One whose relative has passed away has an obligation<ref>There is a difference of opinion as to whether this obligation is derabanan or deoraisa, see below.</ref> to engage in several practices of mourning. The week of mourning, which begins (under normal circumstances) from the time of burial and continues for seven days, is colloquially referred to as "shiva" and is associated with several laws and customs. | One whose relative has passed away has an obligation<ref>There is a difference of opinion as to whether this obligation is derabanan or deoraisa, see below.</ref> to engage in several practices of mourning. The week of mourning, which begins (under normal circumstances) from the time of burial and continues for seven days, is colloquially referred to as "shiva" and is associated with several laws and customs. | ||
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# Children under bar mitzvah are not taught to observe aveilus. <ref>Derisha quoted in Taz 340:15 writes that in fact a child should be taught to observe aveilus, as the Gemara (Moed Kattan 26b) indicates that he should be taught to tear keriyah on the deceased. However, Dagul Merevavah there writes that there is no aveilus for children, and this is the common practice.</ref> | # Children under bar mitzvah are not taught to observe aveilus. <ref>Derisha quoted in Taz 340:15 writes that in fact a child should be taught to observe aveilus, as the Gemara (Moed Kattan 26b) indicates that he should be taught to tear keriyah on the deceased. However, Dagul Merevavah there writes that there is no aveilus for children, and this is the common practice.</ref> | ||
# There is a dispute regarding a boy who turns thirteen or a girl who turns twelve during the week or month after the burial of his/her relative, but the practice is for such a person to not observe aveilus at all.<ref>Rosh Moed Kattan 3:96, Tur and Shulchan Aruch 396, Taz 396:2</ref> | # There is a dispute regarding a boy who turns thirteen or a girl who turns twelve during the week or month after the burial of his/her relative, but the practice is for such a person to not observe aveilus at all.<ref>Rosh Moed Kattan 3:96, Tur and Shulchan Aruch 396, Taz 396:2</ref> | ||
#We mourn over the loss of a Jew who wasn’t religious nowadays. <ref>Chazon Ovadia Aveilut v. 1 p. 538. His three reasons are the perhaps he did teshuva (Yad Yitzchak 3:149), perhaps avoiding mourning would lead to ayvah (Maharshag YD 1:25:6), and perhaps he was a tinok she’nishba (Emet LYakov 345:218).</ref> See [[Interactions with Non-Religious Jews]] for details. | |||
==The Beginning and End of "Shiva"== | ==The Beginning and End of "Shiva"== | ||
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# A relative who is not accompanying the meis to the place of burial begins the aveilus from the time that (s)he turns away from the meis,<ref>Moed Kattan 22a.</ref> as long as the burial is far enough that those relatives will certainly not make it to the burial.<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 375:2. Ramban (Toras HaAdam pg. 162, based on Rambam Avel 1:5) writes that this is only the case if the meis is being brought to a faraway city, and according to the Dagul Merevavah to Shach 375:1 is how the Shulchan Aruch paskens. However, the Behag (as quoted by Ramban, ibid.) appears to pasken that the relatives begin aveilus from the time that they turn away regardless of where the burial will be, and the Shulchan Aruch quotes this Behag in Y.D. 399:14. According to the Dagul Merevavah and Chachmas Adam (Matzeves Moshe 9), if the burial occurs in the same city, but a relative turns away from the procession and will certainly not return, such as on erev Yom Tov, this too would be enough to start aveilus.</ref> However, if the burial is being done in the city's cemetery, the aneinus ends without the aveilus beginning until those who were busy with the burial return<ref>Ramabn Toras HaAdam pg. 163, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 375:2 as interpreted by Aruch Hashulchan 375:8 and paskened by Igros Moshe Y.D. 1:253 and Badei Hashulchan 375:11. However, Radbaz Sh"T 4:63 understands that even according to Ramban, once night falls, or once the relatives can be certain that the burial has occurred, they begin aveilus even if the burial occurred within their city despite not being present at the burial itself. See also Minchas Shelomo 1:91:25 regarding contemporary situations. In some situations, if the head of the family does not accompany the meis to the burial, then even the relatives who have stayed behind begin aveilus only after the burial. See Tosfos Moed Kattan 22a, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 375:2</ref> | # A relative who is not accompanying the meis to the place of burial begins the aveilus from the time that (s)he turns away from the meis,<ref>Moed Kattan 22a.</ref> as long as the burial is far enough that those relatives will certainly not make it to the burial.<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 375:2. Ramban (Toras HaAdam pg. 162, based on Rambam Avel 1:5) writes that this is only the case if the meis is being brought to a faraway city, and according to the Dagul Merevavah to Shach 375:1 is how the Shulchan Aruch paskens. However, the Behag (as quoted by Ramban, ibid.) appears to pasken that the relatives begin aveilus from the time that they turn away regardless of where the burial will be, and the Shulchan Aruch quotes this Behag in Y.D. 399:14. According to the Dagul Merevavah and Chachmas Adam (Matzeves Moshe 9), if the burial occurs in the same city, but a relative turns away from the procession and will certainly not return, such as on erev Yom Tov, this too would be enough to start aveilus.</ref> However, if the burial is being done in the city's cemetery, the aneinus ends without the aveilus beginning until those who were busy with the burial return<ref>Ramabn Toras HaAdam pg. 163, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 375:2 as interpreted by Aruch Hashulchan 375:8 and paskened by Igros Moshe Y.D. 1:253 and Badei Hashulchan 375:11. However, Radbaz Sh"T 4:63 understands that even according to Ramban, once night falls, or once the relatives can be certain that the burial has occurred, they begin aveilus even if the burial occurred within their city despite not being present at the burial itself. See also Minchas Shelomo 1:91:25 regarding contemporary situations. In some situations, if the head of the family does not accompany the meis to the burial, then even the relatives who have stayed behind begin aveilus only after the burial. See Tosfos Moed Kattan 22a, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 375:2</ref> | ||
===Completion of Shiva=== | ===Completion of Shiva=== | ||
# On the seventh day of the mourning after the comforters leave the mourner can get up and that completes the shiva as part of the seventh day is considered like the whole day.<ref>Tur and Shulchan Aruch 395:1. The Tur 395 cites a dispute if we apply the principle of a part of the day counts like the full day at night. The Bet Yosef quotes the Ramban who holds that it does count but the Tosfot, Rosh, and Maharam hold it doesn't count. Shulchan Aruch follows the Maharam.</ref> | # On the seventh day of the mourning after the comforters leave the mourner can get up and that completes the shiva as part of the seventh day is considered like the whole day.<ref>Tur and Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 395:1. The Tur 395 cites a dispute if we apply the principle of a part of the day counts like the full day at night. The Bet Yosef quotes the Ramban (Torat Haadam Shaar Haavel, Inyan Haavelut s.v. amar rav amram n. 82) who holds that it does count but the Tosfot, Rosh, and Maharam hold it doesn't count. Shulchan Aruch follows the Maharam.</ref> | ||
# If someone dies on Sunday and the shiva is completed on Shabbat, private aveilut is observed on Shabbat until after Shacharit Shabbat morning.<ref>Taz 402:5, Shach 402:4</ref> | # If someone dies on Sunday and the shiva is completed on Shabbat, private aveilut is observed on Shabbat until after Shacharit Shabbat morning.<ref>Taz 402:5, Shach 402:4</ref> | ||
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# learning Torah<ref>Gemara Moed Katan 15a forbids learning Torah when one is a mourner based on the pasuk in Yechezkel 24:17. This is codified in Shulchan Aruch 384:1</ref> | # learning Torah<ref>Gemara Moed Katan 15a forbids learning Torah when one is a mourner based on the pasuk in Yechezkel 24:17. This is codified in Shulchan Aruch 384:1</ref> | ||
# greeting others<ref>Gemara Moed Katan 15a forbids greeting others when one is a mourner based on the pasuk in Yechezkel 24:17. This is codified in Shulchan Aruch 385:1</ref> | # greeting others<ref>Gemara Moed Katan 15a forbids greeting others when one is a mourner based on the pasuk in Yechezkel 24:17. This is codified in Shulchan Aruch 385:1</ref> | ||
# Today, the custom is not to turn over the beds or wrap one's head.<ref>Gemara Moed Katan 15a based on Yechezkel 24:17, Shulchan Aruch YD 386:1</ref> The custom is for a mourner to sleep in a bed and not the floor.<ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 211:1, [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?sits=1&req=31174&st=%u05DC%u05D9%u05E9%u05DF Gesher Hachaim 1:20:10]</ref> | # Today, the custom is not to turn over the beds or wrap one's head.<ref>Gemara Moed Katan 15a based on Yechezkel 24:17, Shulchan Aruch YD 386:1</ref> The custom is for a mourner to sleep in a bed and not the floor.<ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 211:1, [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?sits=1&req=31174&st=%u05DC%u05D9%u05E9%u05DF Gesher Hachaim 1:20:10], Chazon Ovadia (Avelut v. 2 p. 255)</ref> | ||
# laundering clothing and wearing freshly laundered clothing<ref>Gemara Moed Katan 15a based on Shmuel II 14:2, Shulchan Aruch YD 389:1</ref> | # laundering clothing and wearing freshly laundered clothing<ref>Gemara Moed Katan 15a based on Shmuel II 14:2, Shulchan Aruch YD 389:1</ref> | ||
# haircutting and shaving<ref>Gemara Moed Katan 14b learned from the pasuk in Vayikra 10:6. This is codified in Shulchan Aruch YD 380:1</ref> | # haircutting and shaving<ref>Gemara Moed Katan 14b learned from the pasuk in Vayikra 10:6. This is codified in Shulchan Aruch YD 380:1</ref> | ||
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# The Sephardic minhag is that the mourner during shiva specifically isn't the shaliach tzibur.<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 384:3</ref> | # The Sephardic minhag is that the mourner during shiva specifically isn't the shaliach tzibur.<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 384:3</ref> | ||
# A child who is in mourning shouldn't be held up from his learning during shiva because there is no chinuch on Aveilut.<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 384:5, Shach 384:5</ref> | # A child who is in mourning shouldn't be held up from his learning during shiva because there is no chinuch on Aveilut.<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 384:5, Shach 384:5</ref> | ||
# If a person's seventh day of Shiva is Shabbat, it is better to wait until the comforters leave and the shiva is complete to do shenayim mikra.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Avelut v. 2 p. 206)</ref> | |||
===Leaving the House=== | ===Leaving the House=== | ||
# During shiva it is forbidden for the mourner to leave the house even to go to shul during the week<ref>Although the Mahari Geyitz (cited by Tur 393:3) held that a mourner can leave his house to go to shul each day, the Raavad and Ramban (p. 217, cited by Bet Yosef 393:3) dispute his opinion. The Shulchan Aruch 393:4 follows the Ramban. Yet, he adds that the Sephardic minhag was to leave the house for kriyat hatorah on Monday and Thursday. Pitchei Teshuva 393:2 cites a dispute between the Chaye Adam (Mesevet Moshe 8) and Magen Avraham 696:8 whether the mourner can leave his house if there won't be a minyan at the shiva house in order to participate in kaddish and kedusha.</ref>, to visit another mourner, or visit the cemetery.<ref>Moed Katan 21b, Tur and Shulchan Aruch 393:1</ref> The reason for this prohibition is that chazal wanted a mourner not to be distracted from the mourning especially with the company of others.<ref>Trumat Hadeshen (responsa 290)</ref> | # During shiva it is forbidden for the mourner to leave the house even to go to shul during the week<ref>Although the Mahari Geyitz (cited by Tur 393:3) held that a mourner can leave his house to go to shul each day, the Raavad and Ramban (p. 217, cited by Bet Yosef 393:3) dispute his opinion. The Shulchan Aruch 393:4 follows the Ramban. Yet, he adds that the Sephardic minhag was to leave the house for kriyat hatorah on Monday and Thursday. Pitchei Teshuva 393:2 cites a dispute between the Chaye Adam (Mesevet Moshe 8) and Magen Avraham 696:8 whether the mourner can leave his house if there won't be a minyan at the shiva house in order to participate in kaddish and kedusha.</ref>, to visit another mourner, or visit the cemetery.<ref>Moed Katan 21b, Tur and Shulchan Aruch 393:1</ref> The reason for this prohibition is that chazal wanted a mourner not to be distracted from the mourning especially with the company of others.<ref>Trumat Hadeshen (responsa 290)</ref> | ||
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# A mourner within 3 days of the death who is the only mohel available can he leave his house to do a milah. He should first daven at home and at the time of the milah he should go to the shul. However, if it is possible to get another mohel it is forbidden.<ref>Hagahot Ashuri (Moed Katan 3:37). Rama 393:3 quotes the Hagahot Ashuri and the Bet Yosef. However, the Shach 393:6 wonders why the Rama even quoted the Bet Yosef.</ref> who only According to Sephardim it is permitted to be the mohel even if another mohel is available.<ref>Bet Yosef 393:3 writes that since the minhag was to go to shul for kriyat hatorah on Monday and Thursday then certainly to be the mohel it is permitted to leave the house.</ref> | # A mourner within 3 days of the death who is the only mohel available can he leave his house to do a milah. He should first daven at home and at the time of the milah he should go to the shul. However, if it is possible to get another mohel it is forbidden.<ref>Hagahot Ashuri (Moed Katan 3:37). Rama 393:3 quotes the Hagahot Ashuri and the Bet Yosef. However, the Shach 393:6 wonders why the Rama even quoted the Bet Yosef.</ref> who only According to Sephardim it is permitted to be the mohel even if another mohel is available.<ref>Bet Yosef 393:3 writes that since the minhag was to go to shul for kriyat hatorah on Monday and Thursday then certainly to be the mohel it is permitted to leave the house.</ref> | ||
# If the mourner needs to leave the house for a major need such as to prevent a major loss or the government needs him it permissible for him to leave the house.<ref>Tosfot (Moed Katan 29a s.v. im), Mordechai (Avel no. 896), Rama 393:2</ref> | # If the mourner needs to leave the house for a major need such as to prevent a major loss or the government needs him it permissible for him to leave the house.<ref>Tosfot (Moed Katan 29a s.v. im), Mordechai (Avel no. 896), Rama 393:2</ref> | ||
===Laundry=== | |||
# There is a minhag to wear black clothing during the year of aveilut for a parent.<ref>The Maharitz Gayitz (cited by Bet Yosef 345:6) writes that the minhag is that mourners wear black. Rosh (Moed Katan no. 94) and Rambam (Torat Haadam p. 85) agree.</ref> In Israel it isn't the minhag.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 3, p. 60). He cites the Radvaz 4:62 who writes the minhag of Egypt was not to wear black.</ref> On Shabbat one should change his clothing to nice non-black clothing.<ref>Ben Ish Chai (Shana Sheniya, Lech Lecha no. 18)</ref> | |||
==Tefillin for a Mourner== | ==Tefillin for a Mourner== | ||
{{Tefillin_for_a_Mourner}} | |||
==Aveilus on Shabbat and Yom Tov== | ==Aveilus on Shabbat and Yom Tov== | ||
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==Behavior towards Visitors== | ==Behavior towards Visitors== | ||
# A mourner does not have to stand up for his/her guests, even if the guest is a Talmid Chacham or person of high stature.<ref>Moed Kattan 27b, Rama Yoreh Deah 376:1.</ref> However, if the mourner did stand, one need not tell him to sit, and doing so is considered a bad omen.<ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:2</ref> | # A mourner does not have to stand up for his/her guests, even if the guest is a Talmid Chacham or person of high stature.<ref>Moed Kattan 27b, Rama Yoreh Deah 376:1.</ref> However, if the mourner did stand, one need not tell him to sit, and doing so is considered a bad omen.<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 376:2, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:2</ref> | ||
# The avel should stand for a Sefer Torah.<ref>Sh"t Rivevos Efraim 7:230 quotes Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach is quoted as saying that even a mourner must stand for a sefer Torah if it passes by, although the Rivevos Efraim himself appears to be uncertain. Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 3 p. 74) agreed with Rav Shlomo Zalman.</ref> | |||
==At the Beis Ha'Avel (or "Shiva House")== | ==At the Beis Ha'Avel (or "Shiva House")== | ||
See the [[Practices_in_the_Mourner%27s_House]] page. | |||
==If a Relative Missed Mourning during Shiva== | ==If a Relative Missed Mourning during Shiva== | ||
# If someone didn't mourn during shiva intentionally or unintentionally he has to make it up and mourn within thirty days of the death.<ref>The Ramban (p. 216, cited by Bet Yosef 396:1) quotes a Raavad who says that if a person didn't mourn when he was supposed to he has to make it up within thirty days since it is a mitzvah and he didn't fulfill it yet. Shulchan Aruch 396:1 codifies the Raavad.</ref> | # If someone didn't mourn during shiva intentionally or unintentionally he has to make it up and mourn within thirty days of the death.<ref>The Ramban (p. 216, cited by Bet Yosef 396:1) quotes a Raavad who says that if a person didn't mourn when he was supposed to he has to make it up within thirty days since it is a mitzvah and he didn't fulfill it yet. Shulchan Aruch 396:1 codifies the Raavad.</ref> |