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Twelve Months: Difference between revisions

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# It is even forbidden to just go to sheva brachot at end of the meal.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama 391:3, Badei Hashulchan 391:47. Since it is the same place as the meal, dancing, and music it is called a bet hasimcha even though there's no dancing or music during the sheva brachot.</ref>
# It is even forbidden to just go to sheva brachot at end of the meal.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama 391:3, Badei Hashulchan 391:47. Since it is the same place as the meal, dancing, and music it is called a bet hasimcha even though there's no dancing or music during the sheva brachot.</ref>
# If the chupah is in a different place than the meal it is permitted for an avel to go to the chuppah and leave before the music begins.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 391:47</ref>
# If the chupah is in a different place than the meal it is permitted for an avel to go to the chuppah and leave before the music begins.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 391:47</ref>
# A mourner within 12 months whose child is getting married may go to the meal and not eat there.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:169 only permits parents within 12 months but not another relative if they are within 12 months for a parent but he can't eat there. Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 339) permits even for other relatives if they are in the 12 months for a parent and even eat there. See Badei Hashulchan 391:21 who is strict because it isn't considered a loss not to go to the wedding it is like missing a gain.</ref>
# A mourner within 12 months whose child is getting married may go to the meal and not eat there.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:169 only permits parents within 12 months but not another relative if they are within 12 months for a parent but he can't eat there. Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 339) permits even for other relatives if they are in the 12 months for a parent. See Badei Hashulchan 391:21 who is strict because it isn't considered a loss not to go to the wedding it is like missing a gain.</ref>
# A rabbi who is within 12 months after shloshim can be a mesader kiddushin. There is a dispute if a rabbi who is within shloshim for another relative if he can be a mesader kiddushin.<ref>Shach 391:5 holds that it is forbidden during shloshim for all relatives and Bach holds it is only forbidden during shloshim for a mourner for a parent but for another relative it is permitted within shloshim. Chazon Ovadia v. 2 p. 345 was only lenient after shloshim. Badei Hashulchan 391:58 quotes the dispute between the bach and shach and doesn't resolve it.</ref> The mesader kiddushin needs to leave before they start the music.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 391:12, Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 348)</ref>
# A rabbi who is within 12 months after shloshim can be a mesader kiddushin. There is a dispute if a rabbi who is within shloshim for another relative if he can be a mesader kiddushin.<ref>Shach 391:5 holds that it is forbidden during shloshim for all relatives and Bach holds it is only forbidden during shloshim for a mourner for a parent but for another relative it is permitted within shloshim. Chazon Ovadia v. 2 p. 345 was only lenient after shloshim. Badei Hashulchan 391:58 quotes the dispute between the bach and shach and doesn't resolve it.</ref> The mesader kiddushin needs to leave before they start the music.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 391:12, Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 348)</ref>
# It is permitted for someone within 12 months for a parent to participate in a Shabbat Chatan for a relative if his participation will enhance the happiness of the couple.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 338)</ref>
# It is permitted for someone within 12 months for a parent to participate in a Shabbat Chatan for a relative if his participation will enhance the happiness of the couple.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 338)</ref>
# If a wife is in 12 months for a parent and the husband wants to go to a wedding according to some opinions he is allowed to ask his wife to go and she may go. However, many hold that they shouldn't rely on this to have her go to the wedding unless it will lead to Shalom Bayit issues and even then it is better to go and not eat there.<ref>Chazon Ovadia v. 2 p. 367 quotes the Tzitz Eliezer who is lenient and Rav Moshe Feinstein who is lenient only if it will lead to shalom bayit issues. The reason for the leniency is that the 12 month aveilut is based on Kibbud Av to a parent and the respect a wife should give her husband exempts her from Kibbud Av. Rav Ovadia concludes like Rav Moshe and adds that it is proper even in such a case not to eat the food at the wedding.</ref>
==Cutting Hair and Shaving==
# It is forbidden for a mourner for a parent to cut his hair until after shloshim his peers tell him to that he needs to cut his hair. Yom Tov doesn't cancel this time frame of cutting hair before his peers tell him that he needs to cut his hair.<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 399:4, Shulchan Aruch OC 548:9 </ref>


==Visiting the Grave of a Parent==
==Visiting the Grave of a Parent==
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# Within the 12 months, it is permitted to join in the hakafot for simchat torah.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 365), Kaf Hachaim 669:33. Gesher Hachaim 1:23:3:7 permits hakafot but not dancing on simchat torah within the 12 months.</ref>  
# Within the 12 months, it is permitted to join in the hakafot for simchat torah.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 365), Kaf Hachaim 669:33. Gesher Hachaim 1:23:3:7 permits hakafot but not dancing on simchat torah within the 12 months.</ref>  
# On purim within the 12 months a mourner for a parent shouldn't listen to music or join in dancing unless he is the rabbi and it would be considered public mourning on Purim not to join in dancing.<ref>Nimukei Orach Chaim 697:3</ref>
# On purim within the 12 months a mourner for a parent shouldn't listen to music or join in dancing unless he is the rabbi and it would be considered public mourning on Purim not to join in dancing.<ref>Nimukei Orach Chaim 697:3</ref>
==Changing Seats in Shul==
See [[Shloshim#Changing Seats in Shul]].
==Completing the Twelve Months==
# The 12 month period of mourning for a parent continues until the completion of all 12 months and part of the last day of the 12 months doesn't count like a complete day since the 12 month period doesn't depend on days.<ref>Trumat Hadeshen (responsa 292), Shulchan Aruch 395:3, Shach 395:2</ref> The Ashkenazic minhag is to continue the practices of mourning of 12 months on the day of the first Yehrzeit itself unless it was a leap year and the 12 months already ended.<Ref>Rama 395:1, Shach 395:3</ref>


==Sources==
==Sources==
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[[Category:Mourning]]
[[Category:Mourning]]