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Twelve Months: Difference between revisions
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# It is even forbidden to just go to sheva brachot at end of the meal.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama 391:3, Badei Hashulchan 391:47. Since it is the same place as the meal, dancing, and music it is called a bet hasimcha even though there's no dancing or music during the sheva brachot.</ref> | # It is even forbidden to just go to sheva brachot at end of the meal.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama 391:3, Badei Hashulchan 391:47. Since it is the same place as the meal, dancing, and music it is called a bet hasimcha even though there's no dancing or music during the sheva brachot.</ref> | ||
# If the chupah is in a different place than the meal it is permitted for an avel to go to the chuppah and leave before the music begins.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 391:47</ref> | # If the chupah is in a different place than the meal it is permitted for an avel to go to the chuppah and leave before the music begins.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 391:47</ref> | ||
# A mourner within 12 months whose child is getting married may go to the meal and even eat there.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:171 only permits parents within 12 months but not another relative if they are within 12 months for a parent. Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 339) permits even for other relatives if they are in the 12 months for a parent.</ref> | # A mourner within 12 months whose child is getting married may go to the meal and even eat there.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:171 only permits parents within 12 months but not another relative if they are within 12 months for a parent. Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 339) permits even for other relatives if they are in the 12 months for a parent. See Badei Hashulchan 391:21 who is strict.</ref> | ||
# A rabbi who is within 12 months after shloshim can be a mesader kiddushin. There is a dispute if a rabbi who is within shloshim for another relative if he can be a mesader kiddushin.<ref>Shach 391:5 holds that it is forbidden during shloshim for all relatives and Bach holds it is only forbidden during shloshim for a mourner for a parent but for another relative it is permitted within shloshim. Chazon Ovadia v. 2 p. 345 was only lenient after shloshim. Badei Hashulchan 391:58 quotes the dispute between the bach and shach and doesn't resolve it.</ref> The mesader kiddushin needs to leave before they start the music.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 391:12, Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 348)</ref> | # A rabbi who is within 12 months after shloshim can be a mesader kiddushin. There is a dispute if a rabbi who is within shloshim for another relative if he can be a mesader kiddushin.<ref>Shach 391:5 holds that it is forbidden during shloshim for all relatives and Bach holds it is only forbidden during shloshim for a mourner for a parent but for another relative it is permitted within shloshim. Chazon Ovadia v. 2 p. 345 was only lenient after shloshim. Badei Hashulchan 391:58 quotes the dispute between the bach and shach and doesn't resolve it.</ref> The mesader kiddushin needs to leave before they start the music.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 391:12, Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 348)</ref> | ||
# It is permitted for someone within 12 months for a parent to participate in a Shabbat Chatan for a relative if his participation will enhance the happiness of the couple.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 338)</ref> | # It is permitted for someone within 12 months for a parent to participate in a Shabbat Chatan for a relative if his participation will enhance the happiness of the couple.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 338)</ref> | ||
==Visiting the Grave of a Parent== | ==Visiting the Grave of a Parent== | ||
# If a person didn’t visit his parent’s grave for ten years, there is a minhag that one shouldn’t visit it again. However, some are lenient in this regard. <ref>The Taamei Haminhagim (no. 1071) writes that there’s a minhag that if a person didn’t visit his father’s grave for ten years he shouldn’t visit it again. The Dudei HaSadeh no. 38 writes that once ten years passed and one didn’t visit that is an insult to one’s father and his father won’t help his prayers ascend to heaven therefore there’s no point in visiting. The Gesher HaChaim vol. 1 29:16 is lenient and unconcerned about this minhag. See Tzitz Eliezer (14:79:2 and Even Yakov no. 44:5) regarding this minhag.</ref> | # If a person didn’t visit his parent’s grave for ten years, there is a minhag that one shouldn’t visit it again. However, some are lenient in this regard. <ref>The Taamei Haminhagim (no. 1071) writes that there’s a minhag that if a person didn’t visit his father’s grave for ten years he shouldn’t visit it again. The Dudei HaSadeh no. 38 writes that once ten years passed and one didn’t visit that is an insult to one’s father and his father won’t help his prayers ascend to heaven therefore there’s no point in visiting. The Gesher HaChaim vol. 1 29:16 is lenient and unconcerned about this minhag. See Tzitz Eliezer (14:79:2 and Even Yakov no. 44:5) regarding this minhag.</ref> | ||
