Scheduling a Wedding Date
This is the approved revision of this page, as well as being the most recent.
Time of Year
Elul and Aseret Yemei Teshuva
- It is permissible to get married during the month of Cheshvan.
- It is permissible to get married on Chanuka.
- It is permissible to get married on Purim.
- It is forbidden to get married on Chol Hamoed because one may not intermingle two sources of rejoicing. However, one may get engaged. 
- There are differing opinions as to whether one may get married on a fast day.
Shabbat or Yom Tov
- It is forbidden to get married on Shabbat or Yom Tov.
What Day During the Month
- One does not have to be careful to get married at the beginning of the month.
What Day of the Week
Second Marriages (Havchana)
- If a woman was married and divorced or her husband died she needs to wait 90 days from the divorce or death to get remarried. The date of the death and date of marriage do not count towards the 90 days.
- If there was a delay between the time of writing and delivering the get, Sephardim hold that havchana starts from the time of writing the get, while Ashkenazim hold it starts from the time of delivering it.
- If it was discovered that the get written for her first marriage was invalid and another get was required most poskim hold that it is necessary to wait 90 days from the second valid get.
- If the get was discovered to be safek pasul and they wrote a new one, they do not need to wait 90 days before getting married.
Marrying a Pregnant or Nursing Woman
- Chazal forbade a man from marrying a woman who was pregnant or nursing a child other than from him because of a concern that he wouldn't take care of the child. This applies whether she was divorced, her husband died, or she became pregnant out of wedlock.
- There is a lone opinion who is lenient whenever the marriage will be to the benefit of the child it is permitted to get married within 24 months. Some poskim use this as a factor in specific cases.
- Some say nowadays it is permissible after 21 months.
- If a woman became pregnant out of wedlock and the prospective husband admits to being the father of her fetus they are allowed to get married within 24 months.
- If there's a question if she become pregnant from this man who wants to marry her or someone else it is permitted to marry her within 24 months.
- If a woman became pregnant out of wedlock and now wants to marry some poskim are lenient to remarry within 24 months if she already gave the child to a wet nurse or already the child is stably and healthily drinking formula and food.
- Some say that if a woman became pregnant out of wedlock and never nursed her child she can get remarried within 24 months.
- A woman who was pregnant out of wedlock who is promiscuous and might cause others to sin may remarry within 24 months so that she doesn't cause others to sin.
- If a woman was pregnant at the time of the divorce or didn’t nurse at all or nursed for a short time such as three weeks or less and stopped and then she got divorced, many poskim hold that she can remarry within 24 months, whether or not she nursed after the divorce.
- Ten Minute Halacha Scheduling a Wedding Date by Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz
- Chacham Yitzchak Yosef (Yalkut Yosef Sova Semachot 1:2:1) and Chacham Ovadia Yosef (Shu”t Yechave Daat 1:48) write that there is no reason to prohibit this. Sdei Chemed Maarechet Chatan Vikallah Siman 23 writes that he got married during Elul and many of the gedolim were present.
- Although Mateh Ephraim 602:5 and Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 130:4 write that since they are days of judgment one should avoid getting married then, Rav Dovid Tzvi Hoffman (Melamed Lehoil EH Siman 1) argues that the merit of getting married could help gain a favorable judgment. He writes that common practice was to allow weddings during this time, and that he himself got married on the 6th of Tishrei. Shu”t Yechave Daat 1:48 agrees. see also Ten Minute Halacha Scheduling a Wedding Date toward the end by Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz where he agrees
Interestingly, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:1) does add that, if possible, you should try to get married during Bein Hazmanim so as not to disrupt the learning.
- Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:3) writes that although some acharonim (see Shu”t Lev Chaim 2:26) mention that you shouldn’t get married during this month as the name Marcheshvan comes from the word Mar, or bitter, one need not worry about that. Rav Betzalel Stern (Shu”t Bitzel Hachochma 2:60) writes that the name for the month has nothing to do with the word for bitter and, therefore, agrees that we need not be concerned.
- Nitei Gavriel 48:37, HaNisuin Kihlichatam 5:17.
- Shulchan Aruch 696:8, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 5:16. In fact, Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach’s wedding took place on Friday of Purim Meshulash, 5690 (1930) so as not to conflict with the yeshivah learning schedule (Rabbi Hanoch Teller, And from Jerusalem His Word: Stories and Insights of Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt”l pg. 36).
- Moed Kattan 8b says אין מערבין שמחה בשמחה. This is codified in Rambam Hilchot Yom Tov 7:16, Shulchan Aruch OC 546:1 and EH 64:6, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:4).
- Shulchan Aruch OC 546:1, Mishna Brura 546:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:4).
- Chacham Ovadia Yabea Omer EH 6:7 writes that you can technically get married even during the day of a fast, but ideally should do it either the night before or the night after. Rav Moshe Feinstein OC 168 says it’s asur to get married during the day of the fast, but one can get married the night before. Tzitz Eliezer 7:49 prohibits even this (see HaNisuin Kehilchatom 5:44-45 for sources on opinions in both directions). Rabbi Yosef Dov Soloveitchik felt that weddings should not be held on fast days (Nefesh HaRav, p. 196).
- Beitza 36b, S”A OC 339:4 and 524:1, and EH 64:5, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:8) write that one cannot get married on Shabbat or Yom Tov since a wedding involves a legal transaction that cannot be contracted on those days. Additionally it may cause one to write. Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:8). Aruch Hashulchan 26:14 states that if a wedding is performed on those days, it is valid.
- Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:2). Shulchan Aruch YD 179:2 and Rama EH 64:3 mention that the practice was to get married during the first half of the month. Although this isn’t mentioned in the gemara, it is discussed in earlier rishonim (see Shu”t Ramban 283). Shu”t Yehuda Yaaleh 2:24 suggests that the Shulchan Aruch and Rama were not writing that this should be done but were explaining that it is not a problem of nichush (necromancy) to do so. Since you don’t believe that the time of the month you get married actually indicates anything for the future, you are not in violation of nichush. It is merely meant as a siman beracha. Therefore, he concludes that you certainly should not push off your wedding for this, especially if you are over 20 years old. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 166:3 and Chacham Ovadia Yosef (Shu”t Yabea Omer EH 3:10:3) agree. Aruch Hashulchan 64:13 and Rav Moshe Feinstein (Iggerot Moshe EH 1:93) both write that most people today do not follow this practice to get married at the beginning of the month. In fact, Rav Hershel Schachter (Mipninei Harav pg. 271) writes that Rav Moshe Soloveitchik got married on the 26th of Sivan. Incidentally, Rav Schachter himself got married in the second half of the month of Cheshvan.
- However, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (Halichot Shlomo 2: pg. 327-328) did advise that people not get married after the twenty-second of the month, and certainly not on the last day of the month, except in the month of Adar, as it is hard to ignore a concern mentioned explicitly in the Shulchan Aruch.
- Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:5). Rambam Hilchot Ishut 10:14 based on Ketubot 5a forbids weddings on Friday or Sunday because this may lead to chilul shabbat. Tosafot (Ketubot 7a d”h Vehilchita) says that in practice there is no concern about Shabbat desecration with regard to a Friday wedding, and Rif, Rosh, and Tur all concur (EH 64; Beit Yosef EH 64). Pitchei Teshuva 64:4 quotes from Shu”t Rama 124 that getting married on a Sunday is a violation of chukat hagoyim. Shulchan Aruch 64:3 quotes that some say that you cannot get married on Friday or Sunday because you may come to chilul Shabbat. However, he adds that there are those who are lenient and that this is the common practice. Yalkut Yosef concludes that you can get married either on a Friday or a Sunday. Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz (Ten Minute Halacha Scheduling a Wedding Date) agrees that the prevalent custom is to allow getting married on a Sunday.
- Sefer Hamiknah 64:3 says that although we hold that the concern of chilul Shabbat doesn’t apply to Sunday, it does on Motzaei Shabbat. Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:6) writes that even though we hold like the second opinion in Shulchan Aruch that it is technically permitted, one should try to avoid getting married on a Motzaei Shabbat. He adds that his father, Chacham Ovadia Yosef, worked hard as chief rabbi of Tel Aviv to stop these weddings.
- Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz (Ten Minute Halacha Scheduling a Wedding Date). The Mishnah (Ketubot 1:1) states that betulot (virgins) should marry on Wednesday, and widows and divorcees should do so on Thursday; the Shulchan Aruch (EH 64:3) rules accordingly. As the gemara explains, betulot were encouraged to wed on Wednesday because batei din (courts) customarily convened on market days, i.e., Monday and Thursday, and a Wednesday wedding allowed sufficient time to prepare for the wedding and the opportunity to appear in court the following morning should there be any complaints. Aruch Hashulchan 64:6 writes that nowadays the types of grievances the Mishnah was referring to are no longer applicable and courts don’t only convene on Mondays and Thursdays. Additionally, the concern of preparing for three days can be resolved by preparing earlier. Therefore one can really get married any day of the week. Pitchei Teshuva 64:6 does quote Pnei Yehoshua that it’s better to get married on a Thursday for the siman beracha mentioned by the gemara Ketubot 5a about a widow.
- Shulchan Aruch E.H. 13:1
- Shulchan Aruch and Rama E.H. 13:1. Yabia Omer EH 6:2 writes that an Ashkenazic woman marrying a Sephardi man can rely on the Rif to follow the time of writing the get because Sephardim hold that way and even Ashkenazim hold like that strictly speaking. He adds that the Marchshet is lenient for Ashkenazim. He quotes that Yaskil Avdi EH 4:8 was strict like Rama, but Rav Ovadia followed Shulchan Aruch.
- If the first get was pasul and they required another get, Maharam Lublin doesn’t require havchana, but Bet Shmuel and Chelkat Mechokek do. Igrot Moshe EH 1:28 and 1:30 relies on Maharam Lublin together with other factors. In 1:31 he does not rely on the Maharam Lublin. Yabia Omer 6:2 doesn’t rely on Maharam Lublin and notes that Maharam Lublin was only lenient with another factor as well; namely, there was a delay between the writing and delivering of the second get. Igrot Moshe EH 1:30 holds like Korban Netanel that according to Shmuel that we follow the time of writing, certainly we can go by the first get and not the second. This would support the Maharam Lublin. But Yabia Omer 6:2 notes that it is explicitly against the Rashba.
- Igrot Moshe EH 1:31 is lenient because it is a safek derabbanan lkula. He holds like Nodeh Beyehuda EH 2:38 who holds that havchana isn't dvar sheyesh lo matirin since he could marry her now and have that same relationship with her later. Yabia Omer EH 9:17:1 questions following the Nodeh Beyehuda's principle of dvar sheyesh lo matirin.
- Shulchan Aruch E.H. 13:11
- Yabia Omer 9:13, 9:14:3, 9:15:3 quotes Maharsham, Agudot Ezov, Rav Kook, and Neta Shashuim as lenient and uses it as a factor to be lenient.
- Igrot Moshe EH 2:9
- Bet Shmuel 13:23, Pitchei Teshuva 13:18 quoting Avodat Gershuni, Tzemech Tzedek, Shevut Yakov, and Brit Avraham. The Brit Avraham even writes that the minhag of the rabbis answering these question is to be lenient on this question.
- Nodeh Beyehuda EH 2:38 cited by Pitchei Teshuva 13:18 writes that safek derabbanan lkula is applied to meuberet chavero. Chatom Sofer EH 32 also cited by that Pitchei Teshuva argues that safek derabbanan is irrelevant since her remarriage takes away the benefits of the child; therefore, the question of meuberet chavero is judged like mamonot. Yabia Omer 9:12:2 quotes Divrei Malkiel 5:156 who agrees. At the end he notes that Rivash implies this as well.
- Yabia Omer EH 9:15:1,3 quoting this from Kohelet Yakov, Torat Chesed, Agudat Ezov, and Rav Yitzchak Elchanan. Yabia Omer agrees.
- Yabia Omer EH 9:15:2 quoting Rabbi Akiva Eiger 95 who expands Rashba (cited in SA 13:14) regarding a divorcee to a woman pregnant out of wedlock.
- Mahari Mintz 5, Rama E.H. 13:11
- Yabia Omer EH 9:14 holds like Rashba (cited by SA E.H. 13:14) who holds that if at the time of the divorce she wasn’t actively nursing to the point where the child recognizes the mother, she can get remarried within 24 months. He also holds like Mayim Chaim who explains that this is true whether or not after the divorce she nurses and the child then recognizes her, since at the time of the divorce the child wasn’t nursing in a way that it recognized her. Yabia Omer EH 10:16-17 reiterates these points. Otzar Haposkim 13:110:2 quotes this approach from Bet Shlomo, Avnei Meluyim, Imrei Yosher, Mayim Chaim, Ranach, Shem Aryeh, Ateret Chachamim, and Elef Lecha Shlomo.