Inappropriate Staring at the Opposite Gender: Difference between revisions
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Inappropriate Staring at the Opposite Gender (view source)
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The basis for the prohibition of staring at the opposite gender inappropriately is the pasuk "ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם אשר אתם זונים אחריהם," "One should not be strayed after one's heart or eyes which one strays after"<ref>Bamidbar 15:39</ref> Chazal understand it to mean that one's eyes shouldn't gaze at inappropriately dressed women because it leads to sin.<ref>Sifrei Bamidbar 115, Nedarim 20a. Bet Shmuel EH 21:2 citing the Rabbenu Yonah writes that the prohibition to look at inappropriately dressed women is | The basis for the prohibition of staring at the opposite gender inappropriately is the pasuk "ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם אשר אתם זונים אחריהם," "One should not be strayed after one's heart or eyes which one strays after".<ref>Bamidbar 15:39</ref> Chazal understand it to mean that one's eyes shouldn't gaze at inappropriately dressed women because it leads to sin.<ref>Sifrei Bamidbar 115, Nedarim 20a. Bet Shmuel EH 21:2 citing the Rabbenu Yonah writes that the prohibition to look at inappropriately dressed women is biblically derived from this pasuk of achrei ayneychem. Gan Naul (Tzeniyut v. 3 13:6) cites many who hold it is biblical including the Smak 30, Sefer Charedim 22:1-4, Ramban Shabbat 13a, and Smag 15. The Rambam Mitzvah 47 and Hilchot Teshuva 4:4 implies it is biblical but Isurei Biyah 21:2 implies it is rabbinic. Many discuss how to resolve this contradiction. He concludes that the consensus of the poskim is that inappropriately starting at a woman is biblically forbidden but he does cite the Yereyim 45, Chinuch 188, and Ritva (end of Kiddushin) who hold it is derabbanan. </ref> Even looking inappropriately at a single woman even she wouldn't be a niddah is forbidden.<ref>Gan Naul ch. 3 fnt. 30 points out that obviously if she would be a niddah it would be forbidden to stare at her just as it is biblically forbidden for any ervah. See Rivash 425. If she's not a niddah nonetheless Chazal in Avoda Zara 20a forbade looking at a single. Avot Drabbi Natan 2:5, Rabbenu Yonah Igeret Hateshuva no. 49, Rambam Isurei Biyah 21:3, and Shulchan Aruch EH 21:3 all cite a pasuk in Iyov 31:1 that it is forbidden to look at a single woman inappropriately. </ref> Alternatively, looking at inappropriately dressed women is forbidden because of Chazal's understanding of the pasuk "נִשְׁמַרְתָּ מִכֹּל דָּבָר רָע"<ref>Devarim 23:10</ref>.<ref>Ketubot 46a, Rambam (Isurei Biyah 21:21), Igrot Moshe EH 1:56</ref> | ||
==Staring at a Woman== | ==Staring at a Woman== | ||
# It is forbidden to stare<ref>Maharshal (Ketubot 2:3) writes that just looking is permitted even for a talmid chacham but not to look intently or stare. </ref> at any part of a woman's body, even her pinky, if one intends to derive pleasure from looking at it.<ref>[[Brachot]] 24a, Rambam (Isurei Biyah 21:2), Shulchan Aruch EH 21:1. The Bet Shmuel 21:2 writes that it is | # It is forbidden to stare<ref>Maharshal (Ketubot 2:3) writes that just looking is permitted even for a talmid chacham but not to look intently or stare. </ref> at any part of a woman's body, even her pinky, if one intends to derive pleasure from looking at it.<ref>[[Brachot]] 24a, Rambam (Isurei Biyah 21:2), Shulchan Aruch EH 21:1. The Bet Shmuel 21:2 writes that it is biblically forbidden according to the Rabbenu Yonah (Igeret HaTeshuva 19, cited by Bet Yosef 21:2) and rabbinically forbidden according to the Rambam. Either way, having inappropriate thoughts ([[Hirhur]]) about such a woman is biblically forbidden.</ref> This is a particularly serious sin.<ref>Yoma 74b</ref> | ||
# It is permitted to stare at one's wife even when she's a [[Niddah]] even if it brings one's pleasure (nonetheless, it in some contexts it is still totally inappropriate).<ref>Rambam Issurei Biyah 21:4</ref> Nonetheless one may not look at certain parts of one's wife.<ref>Nedarim 20a, Raavad (Issurei Biyah 21:4)</ref> | # It is permitted to stare at one's wife even when she's a [[Niddah]] even if it brings one's pleasure (nonetheless, it in some contexts it is still totally inappropriate).<ref>Rambam Issurei Biyah 21:4</ref> Nonetheless one may not look at certain parts of one's wife.<ref>Nedarim 20a, Raavad (Issurei Biyah 21:4)</ref> | ||
# For purposes of [[marriage]], it is permitted and proper to look at one's intended wife before marrying her. <ref>[[Kiddushin]] 41a, Rambam Ishut 3:19, Shulchan Aruch EH 21:3. See Yaavetz (Shabbat 53b) who says that for a very modest person it is permitted to get married without seeing one's intended wife.</ref> | # For purposes of [[marriage]], it is permitted and proper to look at one's intended wife before marrying her.<ref>[[Kiddushin]] 41a, Rambam Ishut 3:19, Shulchan Aruch EH 21:3. See Yaavetz (Shabbat 53b) who says that for a very modest person it is permitted to get married without seeing one's intended wife.</ref> | ||
# Aside for staring, there is a general prohibition to have inappropriate thoughts (Hirhurim) about the opposite gender.<ref>Ketubot 46a, Shulchan Aruch EH 23:3</ref> | # Aside for staring, there is a general prohibition to have inappropriate thoughts (Hirhurim) about the opposite gender.<ref>Ketubot 46a, Shulchan Aruch EH 23:3</ref> | ||
# Seeing inappropriately dressed women is completely forbidden but it isn't one of the 3 prohibitions for which a person must give up their life, therefore, it is permitted to go an area where there are woman inappropriately dressed to save one's life or save someone else's life.<ref>Igrot Moshe EH 1:56 proves that the prohibition with staring at woman who are inappropriately dressed is v'nishmarta, in that it leads to hirhurim and bitul shichvat zera, but not because of lo tikravu l'galot ervah. Therefore, he writes that if to avoid a life threatening situation someone would have to see inappropriately dressed woman he should violate the prohibition and not give up his life since this prohibition isn't one of the big three for which we give up our life. He distinguishes between this and the Gemara Sanhedrin 74a and says that if he took an action and brought before him a woman inappropriately dressed before him in order to take pleasure that would be prohibited because of giluy arayot and it would prohibited even in order to save his life. | # Seeing inappropriately dressed women is completely forbidden but it isn't one of the 3 prohibitions for which a person must give up their life, therefore, it is permitted to go an area where there are woman inappropriately dressed to save one's life or save someone else's life.<ref>Igrot Moshe EH 1:56 proves that the prohibition with staring at woman who are inappropriately dressed is v'nishmarta, in that it leads to hirhurim and bitul shichvat zera, but not because of lo tikravu l'galot ervah. Therefore, he writes that if to avoid a life threatening situation someone would have to see inappropriately dressed woman he should violate the prohibition and not give up his life since this prohibition isn't one of the big three for which we give up our life. He distinguishes between this and the Gemara Sanhedrin 74a and says that if he took an action and brought before him a woman inappropriately dressed before him in order to take pleasure that would be prohibited because of giluy arayot and it would prohibited even in order to save his life. | ||
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==Following Women in the Street== | ==Following Women in the Street== | ||
# Even though today it isn't possible for a man not to walk behind a woman at all when walking in the street, still a person should be careful what he looks at when walking.<Ref>The Gemara Brachot 61a states that it is better to walk behind a lion than a women in the marketplace. Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach in Minchat Shlomo 1:91 writes that today since there are as many women as there are men on the street unlike in the days of chazal it is impossible not to follow a woman in the street. He concludes that for a mitzvah or for etiquette one can be lenient to follow a woman in the street. [http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/871503/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/rav-willig-s-mother-in-law-s-2nd-yehrzeit-role-of-women/ Rabbi Willig (approx min 30)] added that even though it is impossible not to walk behind women but still you need to be careful of what you see. Rav Nissim Karelitz in Chut Shani (Shabbat v. 3 p. 268) writes that nowadays when it is impossible not to walk behind a woman in the streets one should walk quickly so as not to follow a particular woman. </ref> | # Even though today it isn't possible for a man not to walk behind a woman at all when walking in the street, still a person should be careful what he looks at when walking.<Ref>The Gemara Brachot 61a states that it is better to walk behind a lion than a women in the marketplace. Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach in Minchat Shlomo 1:91 writes that today since there are as many women as there are men on the street unlike in the days of chazal it is impossible not to follow a woman in the street. He concludes that for a mitzvah or for etiquette one can be lenient to follow a woman in the street. [http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/871503/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/rav-willig-s-mother-in-law-s-2nd-yehrzeit-role-of-women/ Rabbi Willig (approx min 30)] added that even though it is impossible not to walk behind women but still you need to be careful of what you see. Rav Nissim Karelitz in Chut Shani (Shabbat v. 3 p. 268) writes that nowadays when it is impossible not to walk behind a woman in the streets one should walk quickly so as not to follow a particular woman. The Leket Yosher YD p. 37 writes that it is permitted to follow a religious woman nowadays. Tzitz Eliezer 9:50 explained that today it is permitted to follow a woman in the street since it is so common it doesn't arouse inappropriate thoughts. He quotes Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach as agreeing with him. Yabia Omer OC 6:13:5 seems to agree. | ||
* However, Gan Naul (Tzeniyut v. 1 3:4) holds that the prohibition still applies today. He quotes Doleh Umashkeh p. 290 who records that Rav Chaim Kanievsky said that it is proper to avoid walking behind a woman today if it is possible. He also cites the Bnei Yakov siman | |||
21 who quotes Rav Ovadia Yosef as holding that one can be lenient since woman commonly walk the streets.</ref> | |||
==Sources== | ==Sources== | ||
<references/> | <references/> | ||
[[Category:Interactions between Men and Women]] | [[Category:Interactions between Men and Women]] | ||
