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Having Children: Difference between revisions
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The mishna in pirkei avot 5 states that a person should endeavor to get married at 18. The Rambam interestingly deviates from the mishna and writes that a person should endeavor to get married at 17. The Mishna Halachot explains that in fact the Rambam agrees with the Mishna but understands that it takes a year to find a suitable spouse and get married; at 17, he should be involved in finding a spouse and at 18 get married. The Gemara Kiddushin | # Ideally, chazal advised that one get married at 18 and certainly no later than 20.<ref>The mishna in pirkei avot 5:21 states that a person should endeavor to get married at 18. The Rambam (Ishut 15:2) interestingly deviates from the mishna and writes that a person should endeavor to get married at 17. The Maggid Mishna (ad loc.) explains that in fact the Rambam agrees but just means after a person has lived 17 complete years and is 18, he is obligated to get married. The Mishna Halachot 9:240 explains that in fact the Rambam agrees with the Mishna but understands that it takes a year to find a suitable spouse and get married; at 17, he should be involved in finding a spouse and at 18 get married. The Gemara Kiddushin 29b emphatically states that a person may not delay beyond 20 before getting married and if he does he is cursed by Hashem. This is codified by the Rambam (Ishut 15:2) and S"A EH 1:3.</ref> Nonetheless, nowadays some suggest waiting longer in order to fully mature in Torah learning. <ref>The Chelkat Mechokek 1:3 states that a person is technically obligated to get married at 13 when he becomes a Bar-Mitzvah. Why, then, does the mishna say he should get married at 18? He answers that until then he isn't completely ready to get married since he needs to learn Torah and he doesn't start learning gemara until he is 15. Yalkut Yosef EH 1:2 writes that it is advisable for yeshiva bochrim to get married by 20 and for some it is advisable to wait until after 20 depending on his personality.</ref> | ||
# | # If a person is involved in learning Torah and is concerned that getting married will prevent him from learning because of financial concerns and the like, he may delay getting married in order to learn Torah <ref>Rambam (Ishut 15:2), S"A EH 1:3</ref> as long as he isn't overtaken by his evil inclination.<ref>Bet Shmuel 1:5 based on the Rambam</ref> | ||
# When delaying in order to learn Torah, some say that there is a fixed cut off at which point one shouldn't delay any more, but others hold that there's no time limit as long as the conditions still hold.<ref>Bet Shmuel 1:5 quotes the Rosh who says that certainly there is a fixed cut off but it is unclear when that should be. However, the Bet Shmuel explains, the Rambam holds that there's no cut off as long as all of the conditions apply.</ref> | |||
# It is permissible for a younger brother to get married before his older brother. Yet, sometimes it is advisable for the younger brother to wait in finding a shidduch until his older brother already found his shidduch. In these cases, it is proper to ask a Rabbi for personal advise and pesak.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Chupah VeKiddushin p. 43)</ref> | |||
==Related Topics== | ==Related Topics== | ||
