Anonymous

Embarrassing Others: Difference between revisions

From Halachipedia
m
Text replacement - "S"A" to "Shulchan Aruch"
No edit summary
m (Text replacement - "S"A" to "Shulchan Aruch")
(3 intermediate revisions by one other user not shown)
Line 41: Line 41:
In order to achieve full repentance for sinning, one must undergo a complex process of asking for forgiveness. The steps of the process include: <ref> Rambam, Hilchot Teshuva  Chapter 1</ref>
In order to achieve full repentance for sinning, one must undergo a complex process of asking for forgiveness. The steps of the process include: <ref> Rambam, Hilchot Teshuva  Chapter 1</ref>


# First acknowledging, then regretting one’s sin. # Privately confessing the transgression to God.  
# First acknowledging, then regretting one’s sin.  
# Privately confessing the transgression to God.  
# Devoting oneself to not committing a similar transgression in the future.  
# Devoting oneself to not committing a similar transgression in the future.  
# Make amends with the person you have transgressed against.
# Make amends with the person you have transgressed against.
Line 57: Line 58:
# You must try to appease your friend at an opportune time, or until he agrees to listen to you. You must then feel you friend’s pain in your heart and resolve not to embarrass others. Finally, if one embarrasses you in the future, you should not feel upset, rather you should view it as fair. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 54</ref>
# You must try to appease your friend at an opportune time, or until he agrees to listen to you. You must then feel you friend’s pain in your heart and resolve not to embarrass others. Finally, if one embarrasses you in the future, you should not feel upset, rather you should view it as fair. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 54</ref>
# One should give gifts to the person they oppressed as a means of making amends. One should give [[Mishloach Manot]] to the person on [[Purim]], or confront them before [[Yom Kippur]] when they’re more likely to listen. One may also have friends help him lay the groundwork for his apology. <ref> Reuven, Rabbi Nitzan Kitzur Hilchot Smirat HaLashon</ref>
# One should give gifts to the person they oppressed as a means of making amends. One should give [[Mishloach Manot]] to the person on [[Purim]], or confront them before [[Yom Kippur]] when they’re more likely to listen. One may also have friends help him lay the groundwork for his apology. <ref> Reuven, Rabbi Nitzan Kitzur Hilchot Smirat HaLashon</ref>
# “If the humiliation took place in the presence of others, make your apology in their presence, as well as in private. Otherwise the victim has the right to say, “You shamed me in front of others, and now you want to apologize in private. Bring me all the people who heard you embarrass me, and then I will accept your apology.” <ref> Yalkout Shimoni, Hosea 14 </ref>  
# “If the humiliation took place in the presence of others, make your apology in their presence, as well as in private. Otherwise the victim has the right to say, “You shamed me in front of others, and now you want to apologize in private. Bring me all the people who heard you embarrass me, and then I will accept your apology.” <ref> Yalkout Shimoni, Hosea 14 </ref>


==Giving up your life==
==Giving up Your Life==
The Gemara compares embarrassing someone in public to killing them<ref>Gemara Bava Metziah 58b</ref>. Murder has a special status in Halacha. It is a subject of debate if the comparison the Gemara makes between embarrassing and murder is meant to be taken literally with implications for Halacha or not.
The Gemara compares embarrassing someone in public to killing them<ref>Gemara Bava Metziah 58b</ref>. Murder has a special status in Halacha. It is a subject of debate if the comparison the Gemara makes between embarrassing and murder is meant to be taken literally with implications for Halacha or not.
Two comments in the Gemara seem to suggest that the comparison should be taken literally.
Two comments in the Gemara seem to suggest that the comparison should be taken literally.
# When the Jewish people asked King David “what manner of death befalls he who has relations with a married woman?”  David quickly replies “He is executed with strangulation, and then receives a portion in the world to come; however, one who shames his fellow in public has no portion in the world to come.” As you can see from king David is it “Better for one to have relations with a possibly married woman than to shame his fellow in public”<ref>Gemara Bava Metziah 59a</ref>.
# When the Jewish people asked King David “what manner of death befalls he who has relations with a married woman?”  David quickly replies “He is executed with strangulation, and then receives a portion in the world to come; however, one who shames his fellow in public has no portion in the world to come.” As you can see from king David is it “Better for one to have relations with a possibly married woman than to shame his fellow in public”<ref>Gemara Bava Metziah 59a</ref>.
# When Tamar, Yehuda’s daughter in law, is accused of adultery, to save herself she privately gives Yehuda a hint that she is pregnant with his baby without embarrassing him publicly. As you can see from Tamar is it “Better for one to hurl himself into a fiery furnace rather than shame his fellow in public” <ref>Gemara Bava Metziah 59a</ref>
# When Tamar, Yehuda’s daughter in law, is accused of adultery, to save herself she privately gives Yehuda a hint that she is pregnant with his baby without embarrassing him publicly. As you can see from Tamar is it “Better for one to hurl himself into a fiery furnace rather than shame his fellow in public” <ref>Gemara Bava Metziah 59a, Gemara Ketubot 67b</ref>
On the other hand, some later commentators assume that when the Talmud makes comparisons between an act and some other much worse act (such as comparing stealing to murder or comparing disrespecting the [[Chagim]] to Avodah Zarah) the comparison should not be taken literally <ref>Rabbis Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, Zvi Ashkenazi and Yaakov Etlinger as cited by Feldman, Daniel Z. “Emotional Homicide: The Prohibitions Of Embarrassing Others In Public”</ref>
On the other hand, some later commentators assume that when the Talmud makes comparisons between an act and some other much worse act (such as comparing stealing to murder or comparing disrespecting the [[Chagim]] to Avodah Zarah) the comparison should not be taken literally <ref>Rabbis Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, Zvi Ashkenazi and Yaakov Etlinger as cited by Feldman, Daniel Z. “Emotional Homicide: The Prohibitions Of Embarrassing Others In Public”</ref>
In the following five instances Rabbis have argued about the implications of taking the comparison between embarrassing and murder literally<ref>All five are discussed in detail in Feldman, Daniel Z. “Emotional Homicide: The Prohibitions Of Embarrassing Others In Public”</ref>:
In the following five instances Rabbis have argued about the implications of taking the comparison between embarrassing and murder literally<ref>All five are discussed in detail in Feldman, Daniel Z. “Emotional Homicide: The Prohibitions Of Embarrassing Others In Public”</ref>:
Line 71: Line 72:
# Is a kohen who embarrasses someone prohibited from ascending the duchen to say Birchat Kohanim just like a Kohen who has murdered someone is?  
# Is a kohen who embarrasses someone prohibited from ascending the duchen to say Birchat Kohanim just like a Kohen who has murdered someone is?  
# Are you allowed to give permission to someone to embarrass you or not just like you are not allowed to give someone permission to kill you?
# Are you allowed to give permission to someone to embarrass you or not just like you are not allowed to give someone permission to kill you?
 
==Types of Embarrassment==
==Types of Embarrassment==
The Mishna and Gemara Bava Metzia provide several examples of things people can say that violate the prohibition of hurting others with speech. From these examples we can discern different types of ways in which a person can be hurt.
The Mishna and Gemara Bava Metzia provide several examples of things people can say that violate the prohibition of hurting others with speech. From these examples we can discern different types of ways in which a person can be hurt.
Line 94: Line 95:


Of these five parts, the examples from the Tanach, Mishna, and Gemara all either fall into one of these categories, or several of these categories.   
Of these five parts, the examples from the Tanach, Mishna, and Gemara all either fall into one of these categories, or several of these categories.   
==Retaliation==
# It is virtuous to respond to insults with maturity, calmness, and silence. This practice will be rewarded greatly. <ref>Gemara Shabbat 88b. See Rosh b"k 3:13:, Shulchan Aruch CM 421:13, Minchat Chinuch 241:1, Chikrei Lev YD 3:60, and Chafetz Chaim (Peticha l'Hilchot Lashon Hara no. 8-9) who discuss the idea of retaliation.</ref>
==Notes==  
==Notes==  
<references/>
<references/>
[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]]
[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]]