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Comforting the Mourners: Difference between revisions
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→Over the Phone
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==Over the Phone== | ==Over the Phone== | ||
# Many authorities hold if a person can go to the house of the mourner he should not exempt himself by calling on the phone. However, if a person can't make it to the mourner's house because of an illness or involvement in a mitzvah there is an obligation to fulfill what he can by calling on the telephone. <ref> | # Many authorities hold if a person can go to the house of the mourner he should not exempt himself by calling on the phone. However, if a person can't make it to the mourner's house because of an illness or involvement in a mitzvah there is an obligation to fulfill what he can by calling on the telephone. <ref> | ||
* Sh"t Igrot Moshe 4:40:11 writes there's two purposes of comforting the mourner. One is to comfort and speak to the living relatives who are very distressed. The other purpose is to show respect to the deceased. Comforting a mourner over the phone only fulfills the first purpose and even in that respect it's much better to go to the mourners house. Therefore, if a person can go to the house of the mourner he should not exempt himself by calling on the phone. However, if a person can't make it to the mourner's house because of an illness or involvement in a mitzvah there is an obligation to fulfill what he can by calling on the telephone. Rav Moshe also has a similar idea regarding [[Visiting the sick|visiting the sick]] ([[Bikur Cholim]]) in Sh"t Igrot Moshe 1:223. Minchat Yitzchak 2:84 agrees with Rav Moshe regarding [[Bikur Cholim]]. Bear Moshe 2:104, 106 and 7:2:58 agrees with Rav Moshe both regarding comforting mourners and [[visiting the sick]]. | * Sh"t Igrot Moshe 4:40:11 writes there's two purposes of comforting the mourner. One is to comfort and speak to the living relatives who are very distressed. The other purpose is to show respect to the deceased. Comforting a mourner over the phone only fulfills the first purpose and even in that respect it's much better to go to the mourners house. Therefore, if a person can go to the house of the mourner he should not exempt himself by calling on the phone. However, if a person can't make it to the mourner's house because of an illness or involvement in a mitzvah there is an obligation to fulfill what he can by calling on the telephone. Rav Moshe also has a similar idea regarding [[Visiting the sick|visiting the sick]] ([[Bikur Cholim]]) in Sh"t Igrot Moshe 1:223. Minchat Yitzchak 2:84 agrees with Rav Moshe regarding [[Bikur Cholim]]. Bear Moshe 2:104, 106 and 7:2:58 agrees with Rav Moshe both regarding comforting mourners and [[visiting the sick]]. Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 3 p. 65) agrees with Rav Moshe regarding comforting the mourner. | ||
* However, Rav Yitzchak Hutner (Pachad Yitzchak Igrot #33) writes that calling a sick person on the phone basically accomplishes the purpose of [[Bikur Cholim]] to investigate in a fellow Jew's situation and see how one can help, however, calling a mourner one doesn't fulfill the mitzvah properly because [[Nichum Aveilim]] is supposed to create a [[gathering]] of comforters to surround the mourner (see Ketubot 69b) and a phone doesn't accomplish that. See Peni Baruch 11:12 who quotes Sh"t Minchat David 72-3 who says that one shouldn't comfort mourners over the phone.</ref> Similarly, some allow one who cannot visit to fulfill his obligation by sending a letter.<ref> Teshuvot Vihanhagot 2:587</ref> | * However, Rav Yitzchak Hutner (Pachad Yitzchak Igrot #33) writes that calling a sick person on the phone basically accomplishes the purpose of [[Bikur Cholim]] to investigate in a fellow Jew's situation and see how one can help, however, calling a mourner one doesn't fulfill the mitzvah properly because [[Nichum Aveilim]] is supposed to create a [[gathering]] of comforters to surround the mourner (see Ketubot 69b) and a phone doesn't accomplish that. See Peni Baruch 11:12 who quotes Sh"t Minchat David 72-3 who says that one shouldn't comfort mourners over the phone.</ref> Similarly, some allow one who cannot visit to fulfill his obligation by sending a letter.<ref> Teshuvot Vihanhagot 2:587</ref> | ||
==Who Should Comfort the Mourner== | ==Who Should Comfort the Mourner== | ||
# An enemy of the mourner shouldn't comfort the mourner so that people don’t think that he’s happy because of his downfall, however, he may be involved in escorting the funeral procession. <Ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 193:1 </ref> | # An enemy of the mourner shouldn't comfort the mourner so that people don’t think that he’s happy because of his downfall, however, he may be involved in escorting the funeral procession. <Ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 193:1 </ref> | ||
