Hurting Others' Feelings - Revision history

Unknown user: Text replacement - ". " to "."

2020-07-12T21:53:00Z

Text replacement - ". <ref>" to ".<ref>"

YitzchakSultan: Text replacement - "Shulchan Aruch CM" to "Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat"

2015-08-19T19:46:04Z

Text replacement - "Shulchan Aruch CM" to "Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat"

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:46, 19 August 2015
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	# This obligation applies at all times, in all places, to all Jewish men and women. One must also train one’s children in this obligation. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85. Shaare Teshuva 3:214 writes that this prohibition applies even when nobody else is present, even between husband and wife or parents and children. </ref>		# This obligation applies at all times, in all places, to all Jewish men and women. One must also train one’s children in this obligation. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85. Shaare Teshuva 3:214 writes that this prohibition applies even when nobody else is present, even between husband and wife or parents and children. </ref>
	# It is prohibited even to hurt the feeling of a child. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85, Sefer Hachinnuch 338. In Bastion of Faith by Avraham Fishelis, page 16, he tells a story that when Rav Moshe Feinstein’s young grandchild was playing with some friends, he saw his grandfather pass by and immediately ran to him. Rav Moshe kissed his grandchild and then also kissed the other children, so as not to hurt their feelings. </ref>		# It is prohibited even to hurt the feeling of a child. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85, Sefer Hachinnuch 338. In Bastion of Faith by Avraham Fishelis, page 16, he tells a story that when Rav Moshe Feinstein’s young grandchild was playing with some friends, he saw his grandfather pass by and immediately ran to him. Rav Moshe kissed his grandchild and then also kissed the other children, so as not to hurt their feelings. </ref>
	# One should be extra careful not to hurt the feelings of a convert <ref> Shulchan Aruch CM 228:2 </ref> as well as one's own wife. <ref> Shulchan Aruch CM 228:3. </ref>		# One should be extra careful not to hurt the feelings of a convert <ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:2 </ref> as well as one's own wife. <ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:3. </ref>

	==When is one liable?==		==When is one liable?==
	# This prohibition applies even if one simply gestured or wrote something that hurt somebody else without actually saying it. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 86 quotes the Chafetz Chaim in Chovat Hashmira that onaat devarim, like Lashon Harah is violated even through writing and gesturing even though devarim literally means words. He quotes the Sefer Yiraim 5:180 that even displaying a negative facial expression to someone can be a violation of this transgression. </ref>		# This prohibition applies even if one simply gestured or wrote something that hurt somebody else without actually saying it. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 86 quotes the Chafetz Chaim in Chovat Hashmira that onaat devarim, like Lashon Harah is violated even through writing and gesturing even though devarim literally means words. He quotes the Sefer Yiraim 5:180 that even displaying a negative facial expression to someone can be a violation of this transgression. </ref>
	# The main prohibition is violated when the word, action or gesture, was intended to hurt. <ref> Bava Metzia 58b states that the וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ in the passuk of [[Onaat Devarim]] refers to the instruction to fear Hashem by not attempting to hurt another, since one could claim that he didn't intend to hurt, but Hashem knows the intention of a person. This is also indicated by the Rambam in Hilchot Mechira 14:18. The Tur and Shulchan Aruch CM 228:5 write in reference to calling someone by a nickname, that it is prohibited if one’s intention is to embarrass him. </ref> Nonetheless, one is obligated to distance oneself from the possibility of causing hurt unintentionally. <ref> Sefer HaChinuch 338 and Mishpatei Hashalom page 90. </ref>		# The main prohibition is violated when the word, action or gesture, was intended to hurt. <ref> Bava Metzia 58b states that the וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ in the passuk of [[Onaat Devarim]] refers to the instruction to fear Hashem by not attempting to hurt another, since one could claim that he didn't intend to hurt, but Hashem knows the intention of a person. This is also indicated by the Rambam in Hilchot Mechira 14:18. The Tur and Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:5 write in reference to calling someone by a nickname, that it is prohibited if one’s intention is to embarrass him. </ref> Nonetheless, one is obligated to distance oneself from the possibility of causing hurt unintentionally. <ref> Sefer HaChinuch 338 and Mishpatei Hashalom page 90. </ref>
	==Specific Applications==		==Specific Applications==
	===Negative Reminders===		===Negative Reminders===
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	# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long [[Shmoneh Esrei]] directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi [[Rosh Hashana]] 2:5 </ref>		# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long [[Shmoneh Esrei]] directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi [[Rosh Hashana]] 2:5 </ref>
	# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>		# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>
	# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> Shulchan Aruch CM 428:4 based on Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>		# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 428:4 based on Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>
	# One may not ask a guest to say a dvar Torah unless one knows that he would be able to say one. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 312 </ref>		# One may not ask a guest to say a dvar Torah unless one knows that he would be able to say one. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 312 </ref>
	# One may not make prank phone calls, or perform other practical jokes that are likely to cause any degree of hassle, pain or anguish like calling a fire engine for no reason. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>		# One may not make prank phone calls, or perform other practical jokes that are likely to cause any degree of hassle, pain or anguish like calling a fire engine for no reason. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>
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	# Some say that one should not tell a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. <ref>Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein in Alienu LeShabe’ach writes that one shouldn’t say to a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_50515_251.pdf Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz] quotes this and agrees although he posits that the custom is based on the Malbim’s understanding of Beresheet 6:3. See similar quotes [http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1502069&forum_id=13639 here] and in Ein Lamo Michshol (v. 6 n. 4 p. 243). </ref>		# Some say that one should not tell a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. <ref>Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein in Alienu LeShabe’ach writes that one shouldn’t say to a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_50515_251.pdf Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz] quotes this and agrees although he posits that the custom is based on the Malbim’s understanding of Beresheet 6:3. See similar quotes [http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1502069&forum_id=13639 here] and in Ein Lamo Michshol (v. 6 n. 4 p. 243). </ref>
	===Financial Hurt===		===Financial Hurt===
	# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it. <ref> Shulchan Aruch CM 28:4 based on Mishna and Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or [[browse]] rather than to buy. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>		# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it. <ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 28:4 based on Mishna and Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or [[browse]] rather than to buy. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>

	==Sources==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>
	[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]]		[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]]

YitzchakSultan: Text replacement - "Shemoneh Esrei" to "Shmoneh Esrei"

2015-06-14T15:43:23Z

Text replacement - "Shemoneh Esrei" to "Shmoneh Esrei"

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:43, 14 June 2015
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	# It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on Gemara Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on Gemara Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others.		# It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on Gemara Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on Gemara Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others.
	# One may not open or close windows, if it will cause others discomfort. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91. </ref>		# One may not open or close windows, if it will cause others discomfort. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91. </ref>
	# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long [[~~Shemoneh~~ Esrei]] directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi [[Rosh Hashana]] 2:5 </ref>		# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long [[Shmoneh Esrei]] directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi [[Rosh Hashana]] 2:5 </ref>
	# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>		# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>
	# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> Shulchan Aruch CM 428:4 based on Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>		# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> Shulchan Aruch CM 428:4 based on Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>

YitzchakSultan: Text replacement - "S"A" to "Shulchan Aruch"

2015-01-07T03:39:32Z

Text replacement - "S"A" to "Shulchan Aruch"

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:39, 7 January 2015
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	[[Onaat Devarim]] is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, [[anger]], hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The Gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the ~~S"A~~ Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The Gemara and ~~S"A~~ there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only be momentary. This Mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer Hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref>		[[Onaat Devarim]] is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, [[anger]], hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The Gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The Gemara and Shulchan Aruch there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only be momentary. This Mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer Hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref>

	==The obligation==		==The obligation==
	# This obligation applies at all times, in all places, to all Jewish men and women. One must also train one’s children in this obligation. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85. Shaare Teshuva 3:214 writes that this prohibition applies even when nobody else is present, even between husband and wife or parents and children. </ref>		# This obligation applies at all times, in all places, to all Jewish men and women. One must also train one’s children in this obligation. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85. Shaare Teshuva 3:214 writes that this prohibition applies even when nobody else is present, even between husband and wife or parents and children. </ref>
	# It is prohibited even to hurt the feeling of a child. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85, Sefer Hachinnuch 338. In Bastion of Faith by Avraham Fishelis, page 16, he tells a story that when Rav Moshe Feinstein’s young grandchild was playing with some friends, he saw his grandfather pass by and immediately ran to him. Rav Moshe kissed his grandchild and then also kissed the other children, so as not to hurt their feelings. </ref>		# It is prohibited even to hurt the feeling of a child. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85, Sefer Hachinnuch 338. In Bastion of Faith by Avraham Fishelis, page 16, he tells a story that when Rav Moshe Feinstein’s young grandchild was playing with some friends, he saw his grandfather pass by and immediately ran to him. Rav Moshe kissed his grandchild and then also kissed the other children, so as not to hurt their feelings. </ref>
	# One should be extra careful not to hurt the feelings of a convert <ref> ~~S"A~~ CM 228:2 </ref> as well as one's own wife. <ref> ~~S"A~~ CM 228:3. </ref>		# One should be extra careful not to hurt the feelings of a convert <ref> Shulchan Aruch CM 228:2 </ref> as well as one's own wife. <ref> Shulchan Aruch CM 228:3. </ref>

	==When is one liable?==		==When is one liable?==
	# This prohibition applies even if one simply gestured or wrote something that hurt somebody else without actually saying it. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 86 quotes the Chafetz Chaim in Chovat Hashmira that onaat devarim, like Lashon Harah is violated even through writing and gesturing even though devarim literally means words. He quotes the Sefer Yiraim 5:180 that even displaying a negative facial expression to someone can be a violation of this transgression. </ref>		# This prohibition applies even if one simply gestured or wrote something that hurt somebody else without actually saying it. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 86 quotes the Chafetz Chaim in Chovat Hashmira that onaat devarim, like Lashon Harah is violated even through writing and gesturing even though devarim literally means words. He quotes the Sefer Yiraim 5:180 that even displaying a negative facial expression to someone can be a violation of this transgression. </ref>
	# The main prohibition is violated when the word, action or gesture, was intended to hurt. <ref> Bava Metzia 58b states that the וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ in the passuk of [[Onaat Devarim]] refers to the instruction to fear Hashem by not attempting to hurt another, since one could claim that he didn't intend to hurt, but Hashem knows the intention of a person. This is also indicated by the Rambam in Hilchot Mechira 14:18. The Tur and ~~S"A~~ CM 228:5 write in reference to calling someone by a nickname, that it is prohibited if one’s intention is to embarrass him. </ref> Nonetheless, one is obligated to distance oneself from the possibility of causing hurt unintentionally. <ref> Sefer HaChinuch 338 and Mishpatei Hashalom page 90. </ref>		# The main prohibition is violated when the word, action or gesture, was intended to hurt. <ref> Bava Metzia 58b states that the וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ in the passuk of [[Onaat Devarim]] refers to the instruction to fear Hashem by not attempting to hurt another, since one could claim that he didn't intend to hurt, but Hashem knows the intention of a person. This is also indicated by the Rambam in Hilchot Mechira 14:18. The Tur and Shulchan Aruch CM 228:5 write in reference to calling someone by a nickname, that it is prohibited if one’s intention is to embarrass him. </ref> Nonetheless, one is obligated to distance oneself from the possibility of causing hurt unintentionally. <ref> Sefer HaChinuch 338 and Mishpatei Hashalom page 90. </ref>
	==Specific Applications==		==Specific Applications==
	===Negative Reminders===		===Negative Reminders===
Line 23:		Line 23:
	# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long [[Shemoneh Esrei]] directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi [[Rosh Hashana]] 2:5 </ref>		# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long [[Shemoneh Esrei]] directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi [[Rosh Hashana]] 2:5 </ref>
	# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>		# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>
	# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> ~~S"A~~ CM 428:4 based on Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>		# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> Shulchan Aruch CM 428:4 based on Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>
	# One may not ask a guest to say a dvar Torah unless one knows that he would be able to say one. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 312 </ref>		# One may not ask a guest to say a dvar Torah unless one knows that he would be able to say one. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 312 </ref>
	# One may not make prank phone calls, or perform other practical jokes that are likely to cause any degree of hassle, pain or anguish like calling a fire engine for no reason. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>		# One may not make prank phone calls, or perform other practical jokes that are likely to cause any degree of hassle, pain or anguish like calling a fire engine for no reason. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>
Line 29:		Line 29:
	# Some say that one should not tell a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. <ref>Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein in Alienu LeShabe’ach writes that one shouldn’t say to a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_50515_251.pdf Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz] quotes this and agrees although he posits that the custom is based on the Malbim’s understanding of Beresheet 6:3. See similar quotes [http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1502069&forum_id=13639 here] and in Ein Lamo Michshol (v. 6 n. 4 p. 243). </ref>		# Some say that one should not tell a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. <ref>Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein in Alienu LeShabe’ach writes that one shouldn’t say to a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_50515_251.pdf Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz] quotes this and agrees although he posits that the custom is based on the Malbim’s understanding of Beresheet 6:3. See similar quotes [http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1502069&forum_id=13639 here] and in Ein Lamo Michshol (v. 6 n. 4 p. 243). </ref>
	===Financial Hurt===		===Financial Hurt===
	# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it. <ref> ~~S"A~~ CM 28:4 based on Mishna and Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or [[browse]] rather than to buy. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>		# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it. <ref> Shulchan Aruch CM 28:4 based on Mishna and Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or [[browse]] rather than to buy. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>

	==Sources==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>
	[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]]		[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]]

IvduEsHashemB'Simcha: put first section as intoduction

2014-03-24T23:24:56Z

put first section as intoduction

YitzchakSultan at 01:48, 9 February 2014

2014-02-09T01:48:46Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:48, 9 February 2014
Line 1:		Line 1:
	==Definition and Source==		==Definition and Source==
	# Onaat Devarim is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, anger, hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only be momentary. This mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref>		# [[Onaat Devarim]] is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, [[anger]], hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only be momentary. This mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref>

	==Who is Obligated?==		==Who is Obligated?==
Line 9:		Line 9:
	==When is one Liable?==		==When is one Liable?==
	# This prohibition applies even if one simply gestured or wrote something that hurt somebody else without actually saying it. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 86 quotes the Chafetz Chaim in Chovat Hashmira that onaat devarim, like Lashon Harah is violated even through writing and gesturing even though devarim literally means words. He quotes the Sefer Yiraim 5:180 that even displaying a negative facial expression to someone can be a violation of this transgression. </ref>		# This prohibition applies even if one simply gestured or wrote something that hurt somebody else without actually saying it. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 86 quotes the Chafetz Chaim in Chovat Hashmira that onaat devarim, like Lashon Harah is violated even through writing and gesturing even though devarim literally means words. He quotes the Sefer Yiraim 5:180 that even displaying a negative facial expression to someone can be a violation of this transgression. </ref>
	# The main prohibition is violated when the word, action or gesture, was intended to hurt. <ref> Bava Metzia 58b states that the וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ in the passuk of Onaat Devarim refers to the instruction to fear Hashem by not attempting to hurt another, since one could claim that he didn't intend to hurt, but Hashem knows the intention of a person. This is also indicated by the Rambam in Hilchot Mechira 14:18. The Tur and S"A CM 228:5 write in reference to calling someone by a nickname, that it is prohibited if one’s intention is to embarrass him. </ref> Nonetheless, one is obligated to distance oneself from the possibility of causing hurt unintentionally. <ref> Sefer HaChinuch 338 and Mishpatei Hashalom page 90. </ref>		# The main prohibition is violated when the word, action or gesture, was intended to hurt. <ref> Bava Metzia 58b states that the וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ in the passuk of [[Onaat Devarim]] refers to the instruction to fear Hashem by not attempting to hurt another, since one could claim that he didn't intend to hurt, but Hashem knows the intention of a person. This is also indicated by the Rambam in Hilchot Mechira 14:18. The Tur and S"A CM 228:5 write in reference to calling someone by a nickname, that it is prohibited if one’s intention is to embarrass him. </ref> Nonetheless, one is obligated to distance oneself from the possibility of causing hurt unintentionally. <ref> Sefer HaChinuch 338 and Mishpatei Hashalom page 90. </ref>
	==Specific Applications==		==Specific Applications==
	===Negative Reminders===		===Negative Reminders===
	# It is prohibited to remind someone of his previous sins, or that he never used to be religious, or that he is a convert. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on the Mishnah and the Gemara Bava Metzia 58b, Rambam mishne Torah hilchot yeshiva 7:8. </ref>		# It is prohibited to remind someone of his previous sins, or that he never used to be religious, or that he is a convert. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on the Mishnah and the Gemara Bava Metzia 58b, Rambam mishne Torah hilchot yeshiva 7:8. </ref>
	# It is prohibited to remind someone of his wounds or of his ugly appearance. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Taanit 20. </ref>		# It is prohibited to remind someone of his wounds or of his ugly appearance. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Taanit 20. </ref>
	# It is prohibited to inform someone that his afflictions came to him because of his sins. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> Nonetheless, it is permitted, and is even a mitzvah, to softly allude to this possibility if one’s goal is to inspire him to repent. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Berachot 5a </ref>		# It is prohibited to inform someone that his afflictions came to him because of his sins. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> Nonetheless, it is permitted, and is even a mitzvah, to softly allude to this possibility if one’s goal is to inspire him to repent. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on [[Berachot]] 5a </ref>
	# It is prohibited to give rebuke to another person if it cannot be done without embarrassing, insulting or hurting his feelings. <ref> Gemara in Erchin 16b, Rambam Hilchos Dayos 6:8. Rav Chaim Volozhin writes in Keter Rosh 143 that someone who cannot rebuke gently without hurting someone's feelings is exempt from the mitzva to give rebuke. </ref>		# It is prohibited to give rebuke to another person if it cannot be done without embarrassing, insulting or hurting his feelings. <ref> Gemara in Erchin 16b, Rambam Hilchos Dayos 6:8. Rav Chaim Volozhin writes in Keter Rosh 143 that someone who cannot rebuke gently without hurting someone's feelings is exempt from the mitzva to give rebuke. </ref>
	===Public Areas===		===Public Areas===
	# It is forbidden to wake somebody up unless they either want to be woken up or it is for the fulfillment of a mitzva and it is also forbidden to make a lot of noise thereby preventing somebody from falling asleep. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. This is included under Onaat Devarim because it includes refraining from causing others anger or pain, including stealing their sleep. </ref>		# It is forbidden to wake somebody up unless they either want to be woken up or it is for the fulfillment of a mitzva and it is also forbidden to make a lot of noise thereby preventing somebody from falling asleep. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. This is included under [[Onaat Devarim]] because it includes refraining from causing others [[anger]] or pain, including stealing their sleep. </ref>
	# It is forbidden to cut lines in a public area, even with the permission of the person at the front, since one has caused pain to every person who was previously closer to the front. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. </ref>		# It is forbidden to cut lines in a public area, even with the permission of the person at the front, since one has caused pain to every person who was previously closer to the front. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. </ref>
	# It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others.		# It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others.
	# One may not open or close windows, if it will cause others discomfort. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91. </ref>		# One may not open or close windows, if it will cause others discomfort. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91. </ref>
	# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long Shemoneh Esrei directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi Rosh Hashana 2:5 </ref>		# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long [[Shemoneh Esrei]] directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi [[Rosh Hashana]] 2:5 </ref>
	# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>		# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>
	# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> S"A CM 428:4 based on gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>		# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> S"A CM 428:4 based on gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>
Line 29:		Line 29:
	# Some say that one should not tell a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. <ref>Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein in Alienu LeShabe’ach writes that one shouldn’t say to a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_50515_251.pdf Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz] quotes this and agrees although he posits that the custom is based on the Malbim’s understanding of Beresheet 6:3. See similar quotes [http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1502069&forum_id=13639 here] and in Ein Lamo Michshol (v. 6 n. 4 p. 243). </ref>		# Some say that one should not tell a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. <ref>Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein in Alienu LeShabe’ach writes that one shouldn’t say to a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_50515_251.pdf Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz] quotes this and agrees although he posits that the custom is based on the Malbim’s understanding of Beresheet 6:3. See similar quotes [http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1502069&forum_id=13639 here] and in Ein Lamo Michshol (v. 6 n. 4 p. 243). </ref>
	===Financial Hurt===		===Financial Hurt===
	# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it. <ref> S"A CM 28:4 based on Mishna and gemara Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or browse rather than to buy. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>		# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it. <ref> S"A CM 28:4 based on Mishna and gemara Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or [[browse]] rather than to buy. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>

	==Sources==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>
			[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]]

Nisan at 06:52, 4 July 2013

2013-07-04T06:52:32Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 06:52, 4 July 2013
Line 1:		Line 1:
	==Definition and Source==		==Definition and Source==
	# Onaat Devarim is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, anger, hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only me momentary. This mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref>		# Onaat Devarim is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, anger, hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only be momentary. This mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref>

	==Who is Obligated?==		==Who is Obligated?==
Line 17:		Line 17:
	# It is prohibited to give rebuke to another person if it cannot be done without embarrassing, insulting or hurting his feelings. <ref> Gemara in Erchin 16b, Rambam Hilchos Dayos 6:8. Rav Chaim Volozhin writes in Keter Rosh 143 that someone who cannot rebuke gently without hurting someone's feelings is exempt from the mitzva to give rebuke. </ref>		# It is prohibited to give rebuke to another person if it cannot be done without embarrassing, insulting or hurting his feelings. <ref> Gemara in Erchin 16b, Rambam Hilchos Dayos 6:8. Rav Chaim Volozhin writes in Keter Rosh 143 that someone who cannot rebuke gently without hurting someone's feelings is exempt from the mitzva to give rebuke. </ref>
	===Public Areas===		===Public Areas===
	# It is forbidden to wake somebody up unless they either want to be woken up or it is for the fulfillment of a mitzva and it is also forbidden to make a lot of noise thereby preventing somebody from falling asleep. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. This is included under Onaat Devarim because ~~the~~ it includes refraining from causing others anger or pain, including stealing their sleep. </ref>		# It is forbidden to wake somebody up unless they either want to be woken up or it is for the fulfillment of a mitzva and it is also forbidden to make a lot of noise thereby preventing somebody from falling asleep. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. This is included under Onaat Devarim because it includes refraining from causing others anger or pain, including stealing their sleep. </ref>
	# It is forbidden to cut lines in a public area, even with the permission of the person at the front, since one has caused pain to every person who was previously closer to the front. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. </ref>		# It is forbidden to cut lines in a public area, even with the permission of the person at the front, since one has caused pain to every person who was previously closer to the front. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. </ref>
	# It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others.		# It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others.

YitzchakSultan at 20:21, 21 May 2013

2013-05-21T20:21:10Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:21, 21 May 2013
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	# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long Shemoneh Esrei directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi Rosh Hashana 2:5 </ref>		# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long Shemoneh Esrei directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi Rosh Hashana 2:5 </ref>
	# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>		# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>
	# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> S"A CM 428:4 based on gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>		# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> S"A CM 428:4 based on gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>
	# One may not ask a guest to say a dvar Torah unless one knows that he would be able to say one. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 312 </ref>		# One may not ask a guest to say a dvar Torah unless one knows that he would be able to say one. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 312 </ref>
	# One may not make prank phone calls, or perform other practical jokes that are likely to cause any degree of hassle, pain or anguish like calling a fire engine for no reason. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>		# One may not make prank phone calls, or perform other practical jokes that are likely to cause any degree of hassle, pain or anguish like calling a fire engine for no reason. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>
	# One is obligated to return sefarim or library books to the correct shelf immediately after use. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>		# One is obligated to return sefarim or library books to the correct shelf immediately after use. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>
			# Some say that one should not tell a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. <ref>Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein in Alienu LeShabe’ach writes that one shouldn’t say to a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_50515_251.pdf Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz] quotes this and agrees although he posits that the custom is based on the Malbim’s understanding of Beresheet 6:3. See similar quotes [http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1502069&forum_id=13639 here] and in Ein Lamo Michshol (v. 6 n. 4 p. 243). </ref>
	===Financial Hurt===		===Financial Hurt===
	# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it. <ref> S"A CM 28:4 based on Mishna and gemara Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or browse rather than to buy. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>		# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it. <ref> S"A CM 28:4 based on Mishna and gemara Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or browse rather than to buy. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>


	==Sources==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>

YitzchakSultan: Text replace - "==References==" to "==Sources=="

2013-03-17T01:36:08Z

Text replace - "==References==" to "==Sources=="

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:36, 17 March 2013
Line 31:		Line 31:


	==~~References~~==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>

Dlhanon at 16:15, 23 September 2012

2012-09-23T16:15:04Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:15, 23 September 2012
Line 1:		Line 1:
	==Definition and Source==		==Definition and Source==
	# Onaat Devarim is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, anger, hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only me momentary </ref>		# Onaat Devarim is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, anger, hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only me momentary. This mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref>

	==Who is Obligated?==		==Who is Obligated?==
Line 12:		Line 12:
	==Specific Applications==		==Specific Applications==
	===Negative Reminders===		===Negative Reminders===
	# It is prohibited to remind someone of his previous sins, or that he never used to be religious, or that he is a convert. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on the Mishnah and the Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref>		# It is prohibited to remind someone of his previous sins, or that he never used to be religious, or that he is a convert. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on the Mishnah and the Gemara Bava Metzia 58b, Rambam mishne Torah hilchot yeshiva 7:8. </ref>
	# It is prohibited to remind someone of his wounds or of his ugly appearance. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Taanit 20. </ref>		# It is prohibited to remind someone of his wounds or of his ugly appearance. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Taanit 20. </ref>
	# It is prohibited to inform someone that his afflictions came to him because of his sins. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> Nonetheless, it is permitted, and is even a mitzvah, to softly allude to this possibility if one’s goal is to inspire him to repent. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Berachot 5a </ref>		# It is prohibited to inform someone that his afflictions came to him because of his sins. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> Nonetheless, it is permitted, and is even a mitzvah, to softly allude to this possibility if one’s goal is to inspire him to repent. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Berachot 5a </ref>

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	[[Onaat Devarim]] is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, [[anger]], hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The Gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The Gemara and Shulchan Aruch there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only be momentary. This Mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer Hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref>		[[Onaat Devarim]] is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, [[anger]], hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person.<ref> The Gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The Gemara and Shulchan Aruch there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only be momentary. This Mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer Hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref>

	==The obligation==		==The obligation==
	# This obligation applies at all times, in all places, to all Jewish men and women. One must also train one’s children in this obligation. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85. Shaare Teshuva 3:214 writes that this prohibition applies even when nobody else is present, even between husband and wife or parents and children. </ref>		# This obligation applies at all times, in all places, to all Jewish men and women. One must also train one’s children in this obligation.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85. Shaare Teshuva 3:214 writes that this prohibition applies even when nobody else is present, even between husband and wife or parents and children. </ref>
	# It is prohibited even to hurt the feeling of a child. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85, Sefer Hachinnuch 338. In Bastion of Faith by Avraham Fishelis, page 16, he tells a story that when Rav Moshe Feinstein’s young grandchild was playing with some friends, he saw his grandfather pass by and immediately ran to him. Rav Moshe kissed his grandchild and then also kissed the other children, so as not to hurt their feelings. </ref>		# It is prohibited even to hurt the feeling of a child.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85, Sefer Hachinnuch 338. In Bastion of Faith by Avraham Fishelis, page 16, he tells a story that when Rav Moshe Feinstein’s young grandchild was playing with some friends, he saw his grandfather pass by and immediately ran to him. Rav Moshe kissed his grandchild and then also kissed the other children, so as not to hurt their feelings. </ref>
	# One should be extra careful not to hurt the feelings of a convert <ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:2 </ref> as well as one's own wife. <ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:3. </ref>		# One should be extra careful not to hurt the feelings of a convert <ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:2 </ref> as well as one's own wife.<ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:3. </ref>

	==When is one liable?==		==When is one liable?==
	# This prohibition applies even if one simply gestured or wrote something that hurt somebody else without actually saying it. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 86 quotes the Chafetz Chaim in Chovat Hashmira that onaat devarim, like Lashon Harah is violated even through writing and gesturing even though devarim literally means words. He quotes the Sefer Yiraim 5:180 that even displaying a negative facial expression to someone can be a violation of this transgression. </ref>		# This prohibition applies even if one simply gestured or wrote something that hurt somebody else without actually saying it.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 86 quotes the Chafetz Chaim in Chovat Hashmira that onaat devarim, like Lashon Harah is violated even through writing and gesturing even though devarim literally means words. He quotes the Sefer Yiraim 5:180 that even displaying a negative facial expression to someone can be a violation of this transgression. </ref>
	# The main prohibition is violated when the word, action or gesture, was intended to hurt. <ref> Bava Metzia 58b states that the וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ in the passuk of [[Onaat Devarim]] refers to the instruction to fear Hashem by not attempting to hurt another, since one could claim that he didn't intend to hurt, but Hashem knows the intention of a person. This is also indicated by the Rambam in Hilchot Mechira 14:18. The Tur and Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:5 write in reference to calling someone by a nickname, that it is prohibited if one’s intention is to embarrass him. </ref> Nonetheless, one is obligated to distance oneself from the possibility of causing hurt unintentionally. <ref> Sefer HaChinuch 338 and Mishpatei Hashalom page 90. </ref>		# The main prohibition is violated when the word, action or gesture, was intended to hurt.<ref> Bava Metzia 58b states that the וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ in the passuk of [[Onaat Devarim]] refers to the instruction to fear Hashem by not attempting to hurt another, since one could claim that he didn't intend to hurt, but Hashem knows the intention of a person. This is also indicated by the Rambam in Hilchot Mechira 14:18. The Tur and Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 228:5 write in reference to calling someone by a nickname, that it is prohibited if one’s intention is to embarrass him. </ref> Nonetheless, one is obligated to distance oneself from the possibility of causing hurt unintentionally.<ref> Sefer HaChinuch 338 and Mishpatei Hashalom page 90. </ref>
	==Specific Applications==		==Specific Applications==
	===Negative Reminders===		===Negative Reminders===
	# It is prohibited to remind someone of his previous sins, or that he never used to be religious, or that he is a convert. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on the Mishnah and the Gemara Bava Metzia 58b, Rambam mishne Torah hilchot yeshiva 7:8. </ref>		# It is prohibited to remind someone of his previous sins, or that he never used to be religious, or that he is a convert.<ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on the Mishnah and the Gemara Bava Metzia 58b, Rambam mishne Torah hilchot yeshiva 7:8. </ref>
	# It is prohibited to remind someone of his wounds or of his ugly appearance. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Taanit 20. </ref>		# It is prohibited to remind someone of his wounds or of his ugly appearance.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Taanit 20. </ref>
	# It is prohibited to inform someone that his afflictions came to him because of his sins. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> Nonetheless, it is permitted, and is even a Mitzvah, to softly allude to this possibility if one’s goal is to inspire him to repent. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on [[Berachot]] 5a </ref>		# It is prohibited to inform someone that his afflictions came to him because of his sins.<ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> Nonetheless, it is permitted, and is even a Mitzvah, to softly allude to this possibility if one’s goal is to inspire him to repent.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on [[Berachot]] 5a </ref>
	# It is prohibited to give rebuke to another person if it cannot be done without embarrassing, insulting or hurting his feelings. <ref> Gemara in Erchin 16b, Rambam Hilchos Dayos 6:8. Rav Chaim Volozhin writes in Keter Rosh 143 that someone who cannot rebuke gently without hurting someone's feelings is exempt from the mitzva to give rebuke. </ref>		# It is prohibited to give rebuke to another person if it cannot be done without embarrassing, insulting or hurting his feelings.<ref> Gemara in Erchin 16b, Rambam Hilchos Dayos 6:8. Rav Chaim Volozhin writes in Keter Rosh 143 that someone who cannot rebuke gently without hurting someone's feelings is exempt from the mitzva to give rebuke. </ref>
	===Public Areas===		===Public Areas===
	# It is forbidden to wake somebody up unless they either want to be woken up or it is for the fulfillment of a mitzva and it is also forbidden to make a lot of noise thereby preventing somebody from falling asleep. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. This is included under [[Onaat Devarim]] because it includes refraining from causing others [[anger]] or pain, including stealing their sleep. </ref>		# It is forbidden to wake somebody up unless they either want to be woken up or it is for the fulfillment of a mitzva and it is also forbidden to make a lot of noise thereby preventing somebody from falling asleep.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. This is included under [[Onaat Devarim]] because it includes refraining from causing others [[anger]] or pain, including stealing their sleep. </ref>
	# It is forbidden to cut lines in a public area, even with the permission of the person at the front, since one has caused pain to every person who was previously closer to the front. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. </ref>		# It is forbidden to cut lines in a public area, even with the permission of the person at the front, since one has caused pain to every person who was previously closer to the front.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. </ref>
	# It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on Gemara Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on Gemara Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others.		# It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on Gemara Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on Gemara Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others.
	# One may not open or close windows, if it will cause others discomfort. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91. </ref>		# One may not open or close windows, if it will cause others discomfort.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91. </ref>
	# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long [[Shmoneh Esrei]] directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi [[Rosh Hashana]] 2:5 </ref>		# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long [[Shmoneh Esrei]] directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi [[Rosh Hashana]] 2:5 </ref>
	# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>		# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>
	# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 428:4 based on Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>		# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to.<ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 428:4 based on Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>
	# One may not ask a guest to say a dvar Torah unless one knows that he would be able to say one. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 312 </ref>		# One may not ask a guest to say a dvar Torah unless one knows that he would be able to say one.<ref> Sefer Chassidim 312 </ref>
	# One may not make prank phone calls, or perform other practical jokes that are likely to cause any degree of hassle, pain or anguish like calling a fire engine for no reason. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>		# One may not make prank phone calls, or perform other practical jokes that are likely to cause any degree of hassle, pain or anguish like calling a fire engine for no reason.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>
	# One is obligated to return sefarim or library books to the correct shelf immediately after use. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>		# One is obligated to return sefarim or library books to the correct shelf immediately after use.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>
	# Some say that one should not tell a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. <ref>Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein in Alienu LeShabe’ach writes that one shouldn’t say to a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_50515_251.pdf Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz] quotes this and agrees although he posits that the custom is based on the Malbim’s understanding of Beresheet 6:3. See similar quotes [http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1502069&forum_id=13639 here] and in Ein Lamo Michshol (v. 6 n. 4 p. 243). </ref>		# Some say that one should not tell a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years.<ref>Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein in Alienu LeShabe’ach writes that one shouldn’t say to a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_50515_251.pdf Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz] quotes this and agrees although he posits that the custom is based on the Malbim’s understanding of Beresheet 6:3. See similar quotes [http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1502069&forum_id=13639 here] and in Ein Lamo Michshol (v. 6 n. 4 p. 243). </ref>
	===Financial Hurt===		===Financial Hurt===
	# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it. <ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 28:4 based on Mishna and Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or [[browse]] rather than to buy. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>		# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it.<ref> Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 28:4 based on Mishna and Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or [[browse]] rather than to buy.<ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>

	==Sources==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>
	[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]]		[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]]

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	~~==Definition and Source==~~
	# [[Onaat Devarim]] is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, [[anger]], hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only be momentary. This mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref>

	==~~Who is Obligated?~~==		[[Onaat Devarim]] is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, [[anger]], hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The Gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The Gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only be momentary. This Mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer Hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref>

			==The obligation==
	# This obligation applies at all times, in all places, to all Jewish men and women. One must also train one’s children in this obligation. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85. Shaare Teshuva 3:214 writes that this prohibition applies even when nobody else is present, even between husband and wife or parents and children. </ref>		# This obligation applies at all times, in all places, to all Jewish men and women. One must also train one’s children in this obligation. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85. Shaare Teshuva 3:214 writes that this prohibition applies even when nobody else is present, even between husband and wife or parents and children. </ref>
	# It is prohibited even to hurt the feeling of a child. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85, Sefer Hachinnuch 338. In Bastion of Faith by Avraham Fishelis page 16 he tells a story that when Rav Moshe Feinstein’s young grandchild was playing with some friends, he saw his grandfather pass by and immediately ran to him. Rav Moshe kissed his grandchild and then also kissed the other children, so as not to hurt their feelings. </ref>		# It is prohibited even to hurt the feeling of a child. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 85, Sefer Hachinnuch 338. In Bastion of Faith by Avraham Fishelis, page 16, he tells a story that when Rav Moshe Feinstein’s young grandchild was playing with some friends, he saw his grandfather pass by and immediately ran to him. Rav Moshe kissed his grandchild and then also kissed the other children, so as not to hurt their feelings. </ref>
	# One should be extra careful not to hurt the feelings of a convert <ref> S"A CM 228:2 </ref> as well as one's own wife. <ref> S"A CM 228:3. </ref>		# One should be extra careful not to hurt the feelings of a convert <ref> S"A CM 228:2 </ref> as well as one's own wife. <ref> S"A CM 228:3. </ref>

	==When is one ~~Liable~~?==		==When is one liable?==
	# This prohibition applies even if one simply gestured or wrote something that hurt somebody else without actually saying it. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 86 quotes the Chafetz Chaim in Chovat Hashmira that onaat devarim, like Lashon Harah is violated even through writing and gesturing even though devarim literally means words. He quotes the Sefer Yiraim 5:180 that even displaying a negative facial expression to someone can be a violation of this transgression. </ref>		# This prohibition applies even if one simply gestured or wrote something that hurt somebody else without actually saying it. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 86 quotes the Chafetz Chaim in Chovat Hashmira that onaat devarim, like Lashon Harah is violated even through writing and gesturing even though devarim literally means words. He quotes the Sefer Yiraim 5:180 that even displaying a negative facial expression to someone can be a violation of this transgression. </ref>
	# The main prohibition is violated when the word, action or gesture, was intended to hurt. <ref> Bava Metzia 58b states that the וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ in the passuk of [[Onaat Devarim]] refers to the instruction to fear Hashem by not attempting to hurt another, since one could claim that he didn't intend to hurt, but Hashem knows the intention of a person. This is also indicated by the Rambam in Hilchot Mechira 14:18. The Tur and S"A CM 228:5 write in reference to calling someone by a nickname, that it is prohibited if one’s intention is to embarrass him. </ref> Nonetheless, one is obligated to distance oneself from the possibility of causing hurt unintentionally. <ref> Sefer HaChinuch 338 and Mishpatei Hashalom page 90. </ref>		# The main prohibition is violated when the word, action or gesture, was intended to hurt. <ref> Bava Metzia 58b states that the וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ in the passuk of [[Onaat Devarim]] refers to the instruction to fear Hashem by not attempting to hurt another, since one could claim that he didn't intend to hurt, but Hashem knows the intention of a person. This is also indicated by the Rambam in Hilchot Mechira 14:18. The Tur and S"A CM 228:5 write in reference to calling someone by a nickname, that it is prohibited if one’s intention is to embarrass him. </ref> Nonetheless, one is obligated to distance oneself from the possibility of causing hurt unintentionally. <ref> Sefer HaChinuch 338 and Mishpatei Hashalom page 90. </ref>
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	# It is prohibited to remind someone of his previous sins, or that he never used to be religious, or that he is a convert. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on the Mishnah and the Gemara Bava Metzia 58b, Rambam mishne Torah hilchot yeshiva 7:8. </ref>		# It is prohibited to remind someone of his previous sins, or that he never used to be religious, or that he is a convert. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on the Mishnah and the Gemara Bava Metzia 58b, Rambam mishne Torah hilchot yeshiva 7:8. </ref>
	# It is prohibited to remind someone of his wounds or of his ugly appearance. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Taanit 20. </ref>		# It is prohibited to remind someone of his wounds or of his ugly appearance. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Taanit 20. </ref>
	# It is prohibited to inform someone that his afflictions came to him because of his sins. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> Nonetheless, it is permitted, and is even a ~~mitzvah~~, to softly allude to this possibility if one’s goal is to inspire him to repent. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on [[Berachot]] 5a </ref>		# It is prohibited to inform someone that his afflictions came to him because of his sins. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> Nonetheless, it is permitted, and is even a Mitzvah, to softly allude to this possibility if one’s goal is to inspire him to repent. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on [[Berachot]] 5a </ref>
	# It is prohibited to give rebuke to another person if it cannot be done without embarrassing, insulting or hurting his feelings. <ref> Gemara in Erchin 16b, Rambam Hilchos Dayos 6:8. Rav Chaim Volozhin writes in Keter Rosh 143 that someone who cannot rebuke gently without hurting someone's feelings is exempt from the mitzva to give rebuke. </ref>		# It is prohibited to give rebuke to another person if it cannot be done without embarrassing, insulting or hurting his feelings. <ref> Gemara in Erchin 16b, Rambam Hilchos Dayos 6:8. Rav Chaim Volozhin writes in Keter Rosh 143 that someone who cannot rebuke gently without hurting someone's feelings is exempt from the mitzva to give rebuke. </ref>
	===Public Areas===		===Public Areas===
	# It is forbidden to wake somebody up unless they either want to be woken up or it is for the fulfillment of a mitzva and it is also forbidden to make a lot of noise thereby preventing somebody from falling asleep. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. This is included under [[Onaat Devarim]] because it includes refraining from causing others [[anger]] or pain, including stealing their sleep. </ref>		# It is forbidden to wake somebody up unless they either want to be woken up or it is for the fulfillment of a mitzva and it is also forbidden to make a lot of noise thereby preventing somebody from falling asleep. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. This is included under [[Onaat Devarim]] because it includes refraining from causing others [[anger]] or pain, including stealing their sleep. </ref>
	# It is forbidden to cut lines in a public area, even with the permission of the person at the front, since one has caused pain to every person who was previously closer to the front. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. </ref>		# It is forbidden to cut lines in a public area, even with the permission of the person at the front, since one has caused pain to every person who was previously closer to the front. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. </ref>
	# It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on ~~gemara~~ Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on ~~gemara~~ Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others.		# It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on Gemara Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on Gemara Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others.
	# One may not open or close windows, if it will cause others discomfort. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91. </ref>		# One may not open or close windows, if it will cause others discomfort. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91. </ref>
	# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long [[Shemoneh Esrei]] directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi [[Rosh Hashana]] 2:5 </ref>		# One may not cause another discomfort by saying a long [[Shemoneh Esrei]] directly behind someone who plans to sit down after being able to take his three steps back. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 91 quoting the Yerushalmi [[Rosh Hashana]] 2:5 </ref>
	# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>		# It is prohibited to crowd around an ambulance when the ill person is being brought in, since it causes pain, fright and embarrassment to the family. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89. </ref>
	# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> S"A CM 428:4 based on ~~gemara~~ Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>		# One may not embarrass another by asking him a question that he may not know the answer to. <ref> S"A CM 428:4 based on Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> A rabbi may do so under certain circumstances in order to sharpen his students. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 246:12, based on Bava Metzia 85a. </ref>
	# One may not ask a guest to say a dvar Torah unless one knows that he would be able to say one. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 312 </ref>		# One may not ask a guest to say a dvar Torah unless one knows that he would be able to say one. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 312 </ref>
	# One may not make prank phone calls, or perform other practical jokes that are likely to cause any degree of hassle, pain or anguish like calling a fire engine for no reason. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>		# One may not make prank phone calls, or perform other practical jokes that are likely to cause any degree of hassle, pain or anguish like calling a fire engine for no reason. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 89 </ref>
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	# Some say that one should not tell a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. <ref>Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein in Alienu LeShabe’ach writes that one shouldn’t say to a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_50515_251.pdf Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz] quotes this and agrees although he posits that the custom is based on the Malbim’s understanding of Beresheet 6:3. See similar quotes [http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1502069&forum_id=13639 here] and in Ein Lamo Michshol (v. 6 n. 4 p. 243). </ref>		# Some say that one should not tell a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. <ref>Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein in Alienu LeShabe’ach writes that one shouldn’t say to a sick person “Ad Me’ah Ve’Esrim” –“May you live until 120” because it may be considered like a curse limiting their time to 120 years. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_50515_251.pdf Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz] quotes this and agrees although he posits that the custom is based on the Malbim’s understanding of Beresheet 6:3. See similar quotes [http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1502069&forum_id=13639 here] and in Ein Lamo Michshol (v. 6 n. 4 p. 243). </ref>
	===Financial Hurt===		===Financial Hurt===
	# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it. <ref> S"A CM 28:4 based on Mishna and ~~gemara~~ Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or [[browse]] rather than to buy. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>		# It is prohibited to ask a seller how much an item costs, or to stare at an item, if one has no interest in buying it. <ref> S"A CM 28:4 based on Mishna and Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. Meiri there gives two reasons for the prohibition. 1. Other potential customers who observe one’s decision to refrain from purchasing the item would conclude that the item is overpriced and would consequently only buy it for less, causing the seller financial pain. 2. One’s decision to refrain from buying the item, having appeared to be interested, causes the seller to feel dejected. </ref> However, it is permitted if one informs the seller from the onset of one’s intention to only enquire or [[browse]] rather than to buy. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88. </ref>

	==Sources==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>
	[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]]		[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]]