Right Age to Marry

From Halachipedia
  1. Men have an obligation to procreate[1] and an additional obligation to marry even if he has already fulfilled his obligation to procreate[2]. Men may not unnecessarily prolong singlehood[3].
  2. Women are exempt from the obligation to procreate[4] and thus may have no obligation to marry[5].
  3. Although men become obligated to perform mitzvot upon reaching majority (age 13), learning Torah takes priority over marriage until age 18, and thus men have no obligation to marry beforehand[6].
  4. Ideally, a man should marry before age 20 while continuing to learn Torah; however, if one finds it impossible to do both, due to the financial burden of sustaining a family, learning Torah takes precedence and he may delay marriage past age 20.[7] It is unclear how long such delay may extend:[8] some suggest that one may continue learning until he feels satisfied with the amount of Torah he has learned,[9] while others suggest an absolute limit of age 24.[10]
  5. If an unmarried man finds it impossible to avoid experiencing hirhurim, marriage takes precedence over learning Torah.[11] It is forbidden to fantasize about sinning.[12]
  6. If one truly loves learning Torah to the extent that Ben Azai did[13] and is totally devoted to the Torah, he is not prohibited from delaying marriage indefinitely, provided that his sexual desire does not overcome him;[14] nevertheless, one should not do so.[15] Ben Azai’s example is exceptional; such people are extremely rare.[16]
  7. One may delay marriage until he can find a suitable or compatible wife.[17]

Livelihood

  1. Ideally, one should attain a livelihood before marriage[18].

Older Siblings

  1. It is permissible for a younger brother to get married before his older brother. Yet, sometimes it is advisable for the younger brother to wait in finding a shidduch until his older brother already found his shidduch. In these cases, it is proper to ask a Rabbi for personal advise and pesak.[19]

Sources

  1. ↑ Yevamos 65b. Shulchan Aruch Even Haezer 1:1 and 1:5 mentions that a man should endeavor to father at least one boy and one girl.
  2. ↑ Yevamos 61b; Shulchan Aruch, Even Haezer 1:8.
  3. ↑ Tosefta, Yevamos 8:2.
  4. ↑ Yevamos 65b
  5. ↑ Tosefta, Yevamos 8:2; Shulchan Aruch, Even Haezer, 1:13. However, see Rama (ibid.) and Sanhedrin 76a-76b.
  6. ↑ Shulchan Aruch, Even Haezer 1:3; Chelkas Mechokeik, EH 1:2. Cf. Rambam, Hilchos Ishus 15:2.
    • The mishna in pirkei avot 5:21 states that a person should endeavor to get married at 18. The Rambam (Ishut 15:2) interestingly deviates from the mishna and writes that a person should endeavor to get married at 17. The Maggid Mishna (ad loc.) explains that in fact the Rambam agrees but just means after a person has lived 17 complete years and is 18, he is obligated to get married. The Mishna Halachot 9:240 explains that in fact the Rambam agrees with the Mishna but understands that it takes a year to find a suitable spouse and get married; at 17, he should be involved in finding a spouse and at 18 get married. The Gemara Kiddushin 29b emphatically states that a person may not delay beyond 20 before getting married and if he does he is cursed by Hashem. This is codified by the Rambam (Ishut 15:2) and Shulchan Aruch EH 1:3.
  7. ↑ Kiddushin 29b; Shulchan Aruch, Even Haezer 1:3. Yalkut Yosef EH 1:2 writes that it is advisable for yeshiva bochrim to get married by 20 and for some it is advisable to wait until after 20 depending on his personality.
  8. ↑ Rosh to Kiddushin 29b.
  9. ↑ Levush, Even Haezer 1:4, cited in Aruch Hashulchan, Even Haezer 1:13.
  10. ↑ Yam Shel Shlomo, Kiddushin §47, cited in Aruch Hashulchan, Even Haezer 1:13; see Rashi and Rosh to Kiddushin 30a.
  11. ↑ Kiddushin 29b; Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Dei’ah 246:2, Beit Shmuel 1:5
  12. ↑ Berachos 12b.
  13. ↑ See Tosefta Yevamos 8:5; Yevamos 63b; cf. Kesuvos 63b; Sotah 4b.
  14. ↑ Shulchan Aruch, Even Haezer 1:4.
  15. ↑ Taz EH 1:6.
  16. ↑ Rosh to Kiddushin 29b; Ritva to Yevamos 63b.
  17. ↑ Yad Dovid, Vol. 3, 15:6 (cited in Frankel’s “Sefer Hamafteach” to Rambam, Hilchos Ishus 15:2).
  18. ↑ Sotah 44a; Rambam, Hilchos Dei’os 5:11.
  19. ↑ Yalkut Yosef (Chupah VeKiddushin p. 43)
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