Hirhur

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(Redirected from Inappropriate Thoughts about the Opposite Gender)

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  1. It is strictly forbidden to have an inappropriate thought about doing a sin of immorality. Doing such violates the biblical command of "לא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם", "Don't stray after your heart and eyes"[1], which Chazal explain to mean that it is forbidden to have thoughts about doing sins of idolatry and immorality. This prohibition applies equally to men and women.[2]
  2. There is an additional prohibition for a man to think inappropriate thoughts, even about his wife when she is tahor[3], as it can lead to bitul zera. This too is a biblical[4] prohibition based on the pasuk "נִשְׁמַרְתָּ מִכֹּל דָּבָר רָע"[5], which Chazal interpret as saying that it is forbidden to have an inappropriate thought during the day since it will lead to bitul zera by night.[6] This only applies to men and not women.[7] This also applies to a married man to his wife who is permitted to him.[8]
    1. As a consequence of the prohibition to think inappropriate thoughts it is forbidden to look at inappropriately dressed women.[9] See Inappropriate_Staring_at_the_Opposite_Gender.
  3. Two types of hirhurim: One is thinking about someone's beauty, nice qualities, wisdom, etc. The other is thinking about the actual acts of intimate touch. Both are generally forbidden for a man to think about a woman. For a man to think about his wife who is a Niddah, the first type of hirhur is permitted since it isn't likely to lead to bitul zera since he lives with his wife all the time and that is permitted. If it were to lead to bitul zera then it would be forbidden. However, the second type of hirhur is forbidden since it is likely to lead to bitul zera.[10]
  4. A married man may not think about his wife's intimate ways since it will lead to bitul zera.[11]

Links

Sources

  1. ↑ Bamidbar 15:39
  2. ↑ Sefer Hachinuch (Mitzvah 387), Rambam (Lavin 47), Igrot Moshe EH 1:69, Az Nidbaru 12:39
  3. ↑ Igrot Moshe EH 1:69
  4. ↑ Tosfot Avoda Zara 20b s.v. shelo
  5. ↑ Devarim 23:10
  6. ↑ Ketubot 46a, Rambam (Isurei Biyah 21:21), Igrot Moshe EH 1:56
  7. ↑ Igrot Moshe EH 1:69
  8. ↑ Igrot Moshe EH 1:69
  9. ↑ Ketubot 46a, Rambam (Isurei Biyah 21:21), Igrot Moshe EH 1:56
  10. ↑ Igrot Moshe EH 4:66
  11. ↑ Igrot Moshe EH 1:69 and EH 4:66 writes that bitul zera is just as prohibited for a single as it is for a married man. Therefore, the type of hirhur which can lead to bitul zera (the second type above) is forbidden even hirhur about his wife. Similarly, Taharat Yisrael 184:21 writes that a husband hugging and kissing when his wife isn't a niddah is only permitted if he is confident that it won't lead to kishuy ever or bitul zera. However, the Ezer Mkodesh 20:1 writes that technically it isn't forbidden for a husband to have a hirhur about his wife who is a niddah since there's no concern that it will lead to bitul zera but it isn't appropriate to do. See the Chazon Ish Igrot 4 who says that hirhur that is forbidden because of Lo Taturu is only thoughts about something that is forbidden. See an article on din.org that discusses this topic.
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